72 Days

I have 72 days until my first marathon!  10ish weeks.  72 days sounds better than 10 weeks.  10 weeks is WAY too soon.  72 days is far enough away.

This week I FINALLY feel like my training is coming together.  I've been able to get in my workouts and feel good most of the time.  I'm still trying to figure out what to eat during my runs.  Everything seems to upset my stomach.  I've got some time (72 whole days) to figure it out.

I had a 7 mile run a couple days ago.  I was dreading it.  It was pouring and cold.  7 miles is a difficult distance for me.  I'm not sure how to run it.  It's not a "long" run, but it's not short either.  I forced myself to go and it was the best run I've had in a long time.  A run that just clears your mind and makes you feel good. A run that reminds you why you run.

I realize in the next 72 days, I will have crappy runs.  I will have runs that make me wonder why I'm doing this.  There might be tears.  But I know there will also be amazing runs.  Runs with friends and runs with only my own thoughts (and Ke$ha on my ipod).  I'm looking forward to my 4 miles tomorrow and 13 with Julie Saturday.

Do Less

I am overwhelmed with summer.  There is so much I want to do, need to do, think I need to do...

What I really need to do, is step back and think about what I HAVE to do.  I'm at a point where I need to go back to basics.  I have to get out of bed, feed the kids, do enough laundry that Brian can go to work without looking like a hobo.  Amazon is pretty relaxed as far as dress codes go, but clean is probably important.  I have to help Pnut deal with whatever is going on in her brain right now.  I have to help Little Dude deal with the intense emotions of an almost 5 year old.

At this moment, I just need to focus on those things and nothing else. True, I have a marathon in 95 days.  I have family coming to visit in a week or so. If I don't train enough to run the race, it's not the end of the world.  If my house is a mess, my mom will deal (it won't come as a big shock to her either).  I have to lower my expectations of myself.  At least until I get through this funk I have plunged into.

I can't continue to beat myself up over dirty dishes, or unhealthy snacks the kids eat, or pancakes for dinner, or dog hair on the floor.

I'm reading a book about helping your child deal with anxiety.  It talks about how sometimes the world is too big and sometimes it's too small.  I need to make my world smaller for the moment.  I really do want to train for the Portland Marathon, and I really do want my house to be clean for my mom, but I don't want to beat myself up about missing runs and dirty floors.

Here's my plan for the rest of the day:

• make the kids a snack before swimming
• get kids to swimming
• cheer for them when I really want to say "what the hell are you doing?"
• make a relatively healthy dinner (that only I will end up eating)
• don't get insanely angry when no one eats dinner
• shower
• pray the kids sleep through the night
• go to sleep

That's honestly all I can do in the next 7 hours.