Do Less

I am overwhelmed with summer.  There is so much I want to do, need to do, think I need to do...

What I really need to do, is step back and think about what I HAVE to do.  I'm at a point where I need to go back to basics.  I have to get out of bed, feed the kids, do enough laundry that Brian can go to work without looking like a hobo.  Amazon is pretty relaxed as far as dress codes go, but clean is probably important.  I have to help Pnut deal with whatever is going on in her brain right now.  I have to help Little Dude deal with the intense emotions of an almost 5 year old.

At this moment, I just need to focus on those things and nothing else. True, I have a marathon in 95 days.  I have family coming to visit in a week or so. If I don't train enough to run the race, it's not the end of the world.  If my house is a mess, my mom will deal (it won't come as a big shock to her either).  I have to lower my expectations of myself.  At least until I get through this funk I have plunged into.

I can't continue to beat myself up over dirty dishes, or unhealthy snacks the kids eat, or pancakes for dinner, or dog hair on the floor.

I'm reading a book about helping your child deal with anxiety.  It talks about how sometimes the world is too big and sometimes it's too small.  I need to make my world smaller for the moment.  I really do want to train for the Portland Marathon, and I really do want my house to be clean for my mom, but I don't want to beat myself up about missing runs and dirty floors.

Here's my plan for the rest of the day:

• make the kids a snack before swimming
• get kids to swimming
• cheer for them when I really want to say "what the hell are you doing?"
• make a relatively healthy dinner (that only I will end up eating)
• don't get insanely angry when no one eats dinner
• shower
• pray the kids sleep through the night
• go to sleep

That's honestly all I can do in the next 7 hours.