For the last 4 days I have dealt with the kids encroaching on "my time". Today, I couldn't do it. Pnut plopped herself down on the sofa to watch me, and I couldn't deal with it. I told her to find something to do. She had just watched an hour of TV and I was sick of watching her lay on the sofa.
She lost it. Then I lost it. I'm so angry and sad. I feel guilty. I feel like a bad mom. I know it is not my job to entertain my kids 24/7. A 6 year old should be able to find something to do for 45 min. Her 3 year old brother was doing just fine in the playroom. So now we are in a bad place and it's only 9:15 in the morning. It is really hard for me to shake it off. It is practically impossible for Pnut to shake it off.
So here I am, dressed in my workout clothes, listening to Pnut stomp around the house. This is just how I didn't want the summer to go. And here we are, day 5, and it's shaping up to be like last summer. I feel like I can't catch my breath. Like if I could just get this work out in, just get the kitchen cleaned, just clean the playroom....
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. I will get my act together. I will exercise, I will make sure our day doesn't suck, I will do my best.
But for right now, I'm pissed off and I'm going to have a pity party.
I'm sorry it was a rough morning. I can imagine how tough it is to go from having the kids in school to having them in your face 24/7. Pretty much every parent I know with school-aged kids is feeling the same thing as you after 1 week of summer break. Hopefully there will be some play groups or maybe some friends of theirs will be available to trade off hanging out at each others' homes for a few hours at a time so the parents get breaks.
ReplyDeleteAnd keep using your babysitter - it's worth the $ to keep your sanity for sure!
Hugs to you
this made me cry. I am so there with you today.
ReplyDeleteif it makes you feel any better I had a bad mommy moment too. I went to do my workout and my daughter had created a nest of blankets in my room right where I was going to work out. They had already destroyed the living room and I lost it. I hate it when I lose it. I yelled and was angry.
Then the guilt knocked me over and we all went for a walk. I hate the guilt, but I do believe it is so important to get these moments to ourselves to workout, relieve stress. I just wish I would have handled it a little different.
Nice blog post If you are searching for the quality Shaking Off Mom Guilt Moms, ever feel guilty for doing something just for you? Feel pressure to do it all but feel you lost something along the way to motherhood and/or marriage? JoJo's been there. She can help.
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