As a mom, I feel like I'm constantly feeling guilty about my choices. My latest guilt.....Insanity. I started the program Monday. Today is my 5th workout, and already, I'm feeling guilty. You know why? I do these videos at home. This means my kids are there during "my time". They are watching me, talking to me, asking for things. Half the reason I started exercising, was time away.
For the last 4 days I have dealt with the kids encroaching on "my time". Today, I couldn't do it. Pnut plopped herself down on the sofa to watch me, and I couldn't deal with it. I told her to find something to do. She had just watched an hour of TV and I was sick of watching her lay on the sofa.
She lost it. Then I lost it. I'm so angry and sad. I feel guilty. I feel like a bad mom. I know it is not my job to entertain my kids 24/7. A 6 year old should be able to find something to do for 45 min. Her 3 year old brother was doing just fine in the playroom. So now we are in a bad place and it's only 9:15 in the morning. It is really hard for me to shake it off. It is practically impossible for Pnut to shake it off.
So here I am, dressed in my workout clothes, listening to Pnut stomp around the house. This is just how I didn't want the summer to go. And here we are, day 5, and it's shaping up to be like last summer. I feel like I can't catch my breath. Like if I could just get this work out in, just get the kitchen cleaned, just clean the playroom....
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. I will get my act together. I will exercise, I will make sure our day doesn't suck, I will do my best.
But for right now, I'm pissed off and I'm going to have a pity party.