I woke up feeling that I wasn't living my life. I wasn't living in the here and now. So of course I went looking for someone to blame. My blame has landed on Facebook. All social media, really.
I realize this is a cop out of sorts, but here is my thinking. I love Facebook. I am thousands of miles from home and Facebook makes me feel connected to friends and family that I miss. I'm starting to realize, it also keeps me from fully embracing where I am. It is hard to make a new life when you are still living in the past.
Another problem with social media, it shows me all the things I'm not doing. I'm not making fabulous meals, not spending hours with my kids making beautiful crafts, not organizing my pantry...I admit, I'm guilty of posting stuff that makes it look like I'm super mom. On those days where I get out of my pajamas and decide to make cookies with the kids, I make sure it's documented. This is never done to make others feel bad. I assume when people post pictures of an elaborate feast they made for dinner, it's because they are proud of it. Not that they want to make me feel bad about having leftover hot dogs and potato chips for dinner. The problem is, there is always someone out there doing something fabulous. Not the same person, but always someone. So everyday it's like a snap shot of what I didn't do.
Again, I know this is me and how let things affect (or is it effect) me. I'm not blaming anyone.
Another problem I'm having....seeing people train for races. Races I want to do. It seems like everyone (people I really don't know and will more than likely never meet) is doing an Ironman this year. I REALLY want to, and I know I will....someday. Now is not my time. My family is not in a place for me to devote that kind of time and money to a race. I know this, and I'm ok with it. Until I read about other people. I start thinking, well if they can do it, why can't I? There is a laundry list of why I can't yet somehow I feel inferior because others can. I know it's ridiculous. It's just where my head is right now.
My solution? I could get off Facebook and Daily Mile. I could stop reading blogs. Realistically, I know that's not going to happen. I am going to try to be more in the moment, less in my head. Less keeping up with the Joneses (or is it Jones'?) and more being the best me. Hopefully that will work out.