Finding What's Inside

I've always loved this picture.  I dream of the day I lose all doubt and find what's inside.  I'm guessing this is an ongoing process.

Last weekend, I lost some doubt and got a glimpse of what's inside.  I had a "mini" tri test. It was a 1500 yd swim, 28 mile bike, and 6.2 mile run.  This was my first time outside on my bike since last summer.  I was REALLY nervous.  I was also really nervous about running a 10k after the bike.  I realize this is how a triathlon works, but I was still nervous.

The swim was uneventful.  Felt good.

The bike was pretty uneventful too.  It was cold.  I should have brought gloves and wish I had shoe covers.  I rode 28 miles in 1:40.  It was around 16.8 mph.  I felt like I could have gone faster, but I'm still trying to figure out how hard to push on the bike.  I'm always worried about not having enough left for the run.

I got off my bike and headed out for a run. My feet were numb which made running hard. It felt like I had something in my shoes.  It was really uncomfortable.  It took about a mile and a half for the feeling to come back.

Other than the numb feet, I felt great.  It felt like an easy run.  I checked my watch at the half way point and I was in shock.  I was expecting around a 10 min mile.  This is what I saw:

I was pretty certain this pace would go down, a lot, on the way back.  Mostly because I'm not a fast runner.  I've always been more of a jogger.  In the back of my mind I REALLY wanted to keep it up.  Then part of my brain would say  "But you can't.  You're not fast.  You have no business running this fast.  You can't keep it up."   It was almost like I was scared to try.  Like I'm not supposed to be that person.  In my head, I am a 10min/mile runner, and that's what I will always be.

But this run was changing that.  It was exciting but unnerving.  It sounds strange to even say.  Who gets upset about getting better?  Not that I was upset, but it made me a little uncomfortable.  I kept expecting someone to stop me and say "Um, no, this isn't your pace.  You are going to need to slow down and stick with who you are." Is that insane?  

When I finished, I saw this:

I'm hoping over the next 44 days, I will lose more doubt and find more of what's inside.