Panic and Doubt

Boise is 5 weeks from today.  At this very moment, I don't even want to race.  I'm so tired and emotionally drained.  This week and next week are my biggest training weeks.  I only have 2 more workouts this week, so really it's just one more week.  But I'm exhausted.  I don't know why I'm even doing this.  I want to curl up and cry.

Pnut hasn't slept in over 3 weeks.  Little Dude has been in my bed or needed me to sleep with him for what seems like forever.  Brian is crazy busy with work.  Why aren't I focusing on these things?  Why am I spending 12 hours a week doing things that leave me with nothing left for my family?  Why didn't I spend 3 and a half hours riding my bike instead of doing laundry or vacuuming the floors?  Maybe if I took a nap, I'd be able to deal with the kids up all night.

I realize I'm being a bit dramatic.  I know this is normal(ish).  Last May I wrote this post.  I guess this is just what happens 5 weeks out.  On the bright side, I'm not injured.  Laundry, dirty floors, and needy kids will still be here in June.  I've come this far.  I know I will keep going.