Saturday, May 3, 2014

Panic and Doubt

Boise is 5 weeks from today.  At this very moment, I don't even want to race.  I'm so tired and emotionally drained.  This week and next week are my biggest training weeks.  I only have 2 more workouts this week, so really it's just one more week.  But I'm exhausted.  I don't know why I'm even doing this.  I want to curl up and cry.

Pnut hasn't slept in over 3 weeks.  Little Dude has been in my bed or needed me to sleep with him for what seems like forever.  Brian is crazy busy with work.  Why aren't I focusing on these things?  Why am I spending 12 hours a week doing things that leave me with nothing left for my family?  Why didn't I spend 3 and a half hours riding my bike instead of doing laundry or vacuuming the floors?  Maybe if I took a nap, I'd be able to deal with the kids up all night.

I realize I'm being a bit dramatic.  I know this is normal(ish).  Last May I wrote this post.  I guess this is just what happens 5 weeks out.  On the bright side, I'm not injured.  Laundry, dirty floors, and needy kids will still be here in June.  I've come this far.  I know I will keep going.


  1. You're right. At the end of the day, what stares in front of you are all the stuff you have to do and accomplish. It's nice that you've got both the spirit and the sense of contemplation to do this. Good thing everything can be made easier. You only have to make sure that you've got the right tools. Good luck!

    Bo Tolbert @ HJS Supply