Fabulous Friday

Happy Friday!!  I'm not sure why, but I woke up this morning feeling like a new person.  I can't put my finger on what it is exactly, but I feel good.  It's getting close to fall (although it doesn't feel like it in the Pacific Northwest).  Fall is like my New Year.  I don't know why, but I always feel like things are starting new in the fall.  I love it!!

Last night I decided to register for the Danskin Sprint Tri.  It's Sunday.  I've never decided to do a race so spur of the moment.  I know I can finish but I'm a little nervous since I haven't trained AT ALL.  Brian made a joke that I'm the Allen Iverson of racing.  No practice, just racing :)  I am hoping it gets my head back in the racing/training game.

I did the Danskin in 2005.  I think it was my second triathlon.  It was a lot of fun.  I looked up my finish time last night.  1:30:28.  I am pretty impressed.  I remember training hard for this, 7 years ago.  Not sure how this weekends time is going to compare.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in beating my 30 year old self :)

In other news, I'm anxiously waiting for Pnut's CT results.  Hoping to hear today and hoping they can figure out what is going on in her sinuses and fix it!

Have you ever registered for a race last minute?

Do you call the doctor 100 times a day, asking for test results or is that just me?

Have a great weekend!!

Just Mommy

The past few months I've had no energy to be anything more than Mommy.  I have been in mommy survival mode.  I told my mom I felt like I was in the ocean and I didn't know how to swim.  I didn't have time to learn to swim, I was just keeping my head above water.  I was in the middle of a crazy storm (I call it Hurricane Pnut) and I couldn't do anything but hold on and try to ride it out.  I did what I had to and nothing more.  The kids ate (way more take out than I'd like).  They made it to swimming and camp. Brian occasionally had dinner ready when he got home.

That was all I could do.  I went out for the occasional run and sometimes made it to the gym but not often.  I was constantly putting out fires.  I was angry and resentful and had no control over anything in my life.

My mom has been in town for a few days.  I've kind of seen my life through her eyes the last few days.  Does that make any sense?  Seeing her shock to my everyday life made me realize exactly how crazy it was.

Bottom line, I have a difficult child.  She is brilliant, funny, imaginative, perceptive, sensitive, whiny, manipulative, and moody.  This is who she is.  My parenting has been ineffective for her.  We have gotten ourselves locked in an ugly cycle; she does the same thing, I do the same thing, nothing gets better.

Yesterday morning, as I held back tears, watching my mom pull out of the driveway, I was at the end of my rope.  My life was out of control and I didn't know what to do.  I wanted to curl up and cry.

Thankfully I have a wonderful husband.  He took the kids upstairs and helped them clean their rooms.  I did laundry and started to clean.  I was trying to keep busy.  If I looked at anyone, I'd start to cry.  Before I knew it, our house was getting organized and I started to feel better.

I came up with a plan, with the help of my new favorite book, "The Difficult Child" and a ton of blogs/websites.   I have just started to implement it but so far, so good.  I know Pnut will test me.  I know I need to be consistent (this is hard for me).  Here are a few things I did to help out:

Found this on Pinterest

I'm putting the kid's toys in here when they don't put them away.  So far, they are REALLY into doing the chores.  So much so, they have put some toys in here just so they can do chores to get them out.  Going to need different chores.

I made these so Pnut and Little Dude would know what to do in the morning.  It worked this morning. No one argued about getting dressed or brushing their teeth.  We'll see how things go in the coming mornings.

I made these so they would know exactly what to do when I say clean your room.

I have a night time routine too. I need to make cards for that.  

I'm hoping all this will limit my need to yell and get upset.  Everyone knows what is expected.  These are the rules/routines, you decided if you want to follow them or have the consequences of not following them. 

I'm thinking about making a chart where they can put stars on for every time them follow the routine.  We can have some prize after so many stars.  I'm not sure.  I don't want to make it too complicated.

This is my plan.  I'm crossing my fingers it works.  I'm ready to be more than mommy again.

Saltwater

I had an incredibly difficult morning last Saturday.  I'm not even sure what started it.  Before I knew it, Pnut and I were in an epic battle.  Looking back, it wasn't our worst; it was just at the end of a few difficult weeks.  I am exhausted from the constant battles.  At one point we were cuddled up in her bed, both of us crying.

I decided I needed to get out. I had to go for a run.  I was exhausted but my mind was still racing.  I needed to shut it off.  I got dressed and took off.

I burst into tears at the end of my driveway.  I was running and crying.  This is not easy.  I ran faster, still crying.  I told myself there has to be a pace at which you can't run and cry.  I needed to find that pace.  I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to think.  I ran faster and faster.  I ended up a mile from my house, on the beach, 7:10 minutes later.  7:10!  I've never ran a mile in 7 minutes and 10 seconds.  Granted it was only one, but still faster than I'd ever ran.  I felt good.  Physically and mentally exhausted. I sat, staring at the beach, for a few minutes.  I tried to keep my head clear.

I finally had to keep going.  I ran (not nearly as fast) a couple more miles and headed home.  Hopeful the tears, sweat, and the beautiful Sound were enough to clear my head, to deal with whatever was next.  

I'd like to say that 3 mile run turned the day around.  It didn't.  But it did give me enough strength and clarity to handle what was thrown at me.    

Beach day

There has been a lot of stress in my life over the last few weeks.  We are having issues with our house in Baltimore, Pnut is having some problems, Little Dude is almost 3 and is crazy and last night Brain told me the shower in our master bathroom is leaking.  This morning I had a heated debate (over email) with the people managing our house in Baltimore.  I was having a rough morning.

I knew today was going to be a beautiful day, weather-wise.  I did not want all the crap going on to ruin that.  There was nothing I could do about Pnut's tantrums, Little Dude's 3-ness, a house 3,000 miles away or a leaky bathroom. I guess I could have called someone about the bathroom.....

I texted a friend (I have one or two out here) to see if she wanted to meet up. THANKFULLY she did.  She suggested the beach.  We were set to meet at 11.  I couldn't wait.  I was in desperate need of a beach day.  I knew it wouldn't be like going to Ocean City, but I was going to make it as beachy as possible.  I packed up our beach toys, chairs, towels, and lunch.  We drove the 2 minutes to the beach, parked and carried all our stuff to the beach. 

This is what it looked like. That's my chair.

Not your typical beach.  It was 9:30.  It got more crowded as the day went on.

The kids were more interested in the seal family.

Once Michelle and her children got there, we were able to get them to the beach.  I didn't tell Pnut and Little Dude they were coming.  It was a big surprise.  They were super happy. 

I was super happy.  Michelle and I actually go to sit on the beach and talk for a couple hours.  Not uninterrupted time, but not too many interruptions.  The kids played and ate lunch and built sand traps and dug giant holes....it was perfect.  That NEVER happens.  And I SOOOOO needed it.  

Here are a few more pictures.  

I have pictures of Pnut, but she was never far from Michelle's kids and I'm not sure how she feels about me posting pictures of them here.  On that note, Pnut informed Michelle that she loves her son. She loves me 100% but she loves him more than that.  I'm certain there will be a post about that soon.

We ended it with a stop for frozen yogurt.  Again, Pnut was stuck to Michelle's son. I promise she was there, enjoying her yogurt with Mike and Ikes and gummy worms.

This was not a "beach day" like the ones I am used to.  Not the kind I expected my children to grow up knowing.  But this is what we have, and it's great.  

Now....who do you call about a leaky shower????

The Race Season that Wasn't

This race season is not turning out they way I expected it to.  July 21st and I've done 2 races, and I have none on the horizon.  This is mostly injury related.   A stress fracture and a pulled calf muscle have put a damper on things.  That and a cracked fork.  Have you heard about that :)

I've decided this season isn't for racing.  I'm going to use this time to get healthy and stronger.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed.  I am.  But I'm trying to see the bright side.  I have a chance to do things that will set up a great season next year.  This time next year I plan to be healthy, stronger and hopefully a little smaller.

I am working really hard to lose some weight.  I started reading Skinny Rules by Bob Harper.  "Reading" might be the wrong word. I skimmed it for the important parts and I'm using his menu plan.  Today is day 6 and so far I've lost 1.5 pounds.  At this rate I will be at my goal (at least what I think is my goal) in 3 more weeks.The crazy thing is I haven't been working out much.  I ran twice this week, for a total of less than an hour.  In the past I've worked out like crazy, ate whatever I wanted and lost nothing.  It's not like I was eating junk.  I've been good about what I eat, just not about how much.  I guess it's true...

Other than just losing weight, I'm feeling better all around.  I have more energy and I just feel better.  Now if I can start exercising regularly again, I'll be set.  

Right now I'm thinking my big race next year will be Rev3 Portland 70.3.  I hope to be healthy and strong and ready to start serious training in February.   

Affirmations

I woke up today thinking I would write about my non-existent race season and how I planned to be prepared for next season.  I actually started writing about it.  But as I was putting Pnut in her room, as she's kicking and screaming that I don't love her, I decided to write about something else.

I've been beating myself up recently, about all of my short coming.  In a moment of clarity (or maybe a hallucination brought about by a kick to the head from my darling daughter) I thought "Would you say the things you say to yourself, to a friend?"  Would I tell a friend she was a bad mother because she didn't give her children a fruit or a vegetable with breakfast (or lunch or dinner) ? Certainly not.  But I will beat myself up about it. Parenting is a ridiculously hard job.  Every time I think I'm doing something right, BAM! something happens.  I've decided I'm going to be nicer to myself.  I'm going to do some Stuart Smally affirmations :)  

Thank you Wikipedia 

• You are a good mom!
• It is not your job to entertain your children 24 hours a day.
• No one will get scurvy from a day (or 2) without fruits and vegetables.
• There is nothing wrong with your children wearing dirty socks (or pants) because you haven't done laundry.
• Pnut knows you love her, even if she's angry at all the attention Little Dude is getting from potty training.
• People who give you dirty looks because your children aren't behaving, do not know anything about you or your children.  They don't know how hard you (and your children) try.
• You only have so much control over what your children do. You don't take credit for the great things they do, why do you take blame for the "bad" things?

That's all I have time for now.  Nap time is almost over.  I'm guessing hoping I'm not the only one who feels defeated at times.  Be nice to yourself!  Remember you're good enough, you're strong enough, and, doggonit, people like you!! 

I hope it's ok I borrowed that from SNL.  Guessing no one from there reads my blog. 

Attitude Adjustment

Last week was a rough week for me.  I was really depressed.  I felt myself plunging into a deep abyss.  It was a horrible feeling.  I was unsure what to do, but I knew I had to do something.

There were a lot of things contributing to my mood, not the least of which was the weather.  I'm sure you've heard me mention this, but it's July 1st and it's still chilly and wet.  I know it has been crazy hot in the rest of the country but in Seattle, we haven't seen much of the sun.

Friday morning I decided I had to do something.  I had visions of spending the weekend in bed, hiding from the rain (and my children).  I came up with a better idea, a road trip.  I spent the morning trying to find a cabin in Leavenworth. If you've never been, it's a great little Bavarian themed town, in eastern Washington.  It's about a 120 miles from Seattle.

All the buildings look like this

I think this is the mini golf course

In case you are unfamiliar with Washington's geography, here's a map.

Seattle is in the Puget Sound area.  Leavenworth is around Wenatchee, on the other side of the Cascade Mountains.  Apparently the mountains keep all the clouds (and rain) on the western side of the state.  This weekend it was in the 60's and raining in Seattle.  Leavenworth was 80 and sunny.  Beautiful.

We got a great cabin about 5 miles from town.  I was super impressed by the cabin.  Nothing fancy, but really nice.  There was a rope swing that the kids LOVED.  They could have spent the entire weekend on it.

Pnut and I enjoyed the pool while Little Dude and Brian took a nap.

We even stopped for ice cream after dinner.  

It was a great time and I feel like a new person.  To top it off, it looks like summer will be here soon!