Finding What's Inside

I've always loved this picture.  I dream of the day I lose all doubt and find what's inside.  I'm guessing this is an ongoing process.

Last weekend, I lost some doubt and got a glimpse of what's inside.  I had a "mini" tri test. It was a 1500 yd swim, 28 mile bike, and 6.2 mile run.  This was my first time outside on my bike since last summer.  I was REALLY nervous.  I was also really nervous about running a 10k after the bike.  I realize this is how a triathlon works, but I was still nervous.

The swim was uneventful.  Felt good.

The bike was pretty uneventful too.  It was cold.  I should have brought gloves and wish I had shoe covers.  I rode 28 miles in 1:40.  It was around 16.8 mph.  I felt like I could have gone faster, but I'm still trying to figure out how hard to push on the bike.  I'm always worried about not having enough left for the run.

I got off my bike and headed out for a run. My feet were numb which made running hard. It felt like I had something in my shoes.  It was really uncomfortable.  It took about a mile and a half for the feeling to come back.

Other than the numb feet, I felt great.  It felt like an easy run.  I checked my watch at the half way point and I was in shock.  I was expecting around a 10 min mile.  This is what I saw:

I was pretty certain this pace would go down, a lot, on the way back.  Mostly because I'm not a fast runner.  I've always been more of a jogger.  In the back of my mind I REALLY wanted to keep it up.  Then part of my brain would say  "But you can't.  You're not fast.  You have no business running this fast.  You can't keep it up."   It was almost like I was scared to try.  Like I'm not supposed to be that person.  In my head, I am a 10min/mile runner, and that's what I will always be.

But this run was changing that.  It was exciting but unnerving.  It sounds strange to even say.  Who gets upset about getting better?  Not that I was upset, but it made me a little uncomfortable.  I kept expecting someone to stop me and say "Um, no, this isn't your pace.  You are going to need to slow down and stick with who you are." Is that insane?  

When I finished, I saw this:

I'm hoping over the next 44 days, I will lose more doubt and find more of what's inside.

Today I ran

Today I ran 

For a city I've never been to, and a race I could never even hope to run.

To sweat out the sadness, anger, and confusion.

For all the moms and dads who run for sanity, health, pride, strength and to be role models to their children.

For all the people who have lined up at a starting line.

For all the people who had the discipline to train, no matter what the distance.

For a man I never met, and his family, who were changed forever by this tragedy. 

To be a part of something bigger.

To thank all my loved ones, who have waited for me at many finish lines.

Because I didn't know what else to do.

Priorities

I think when you are busiest, your priorities become very clear.  Today is a crazy busy day for me.  From this busy day, I have determined my top 3 priorities.

1. Food-I ate all day.
2. Training- I squeezed in an hour bike and 4.5 mile run this morning.
3. Family- Getting the kids back and forth from school. Taking Little Dude to speech.  Taking Pnut to basketball. Making sure everyone has dinner ready when we get home tonight. (It all comes back to food).  Sometimes remembering to get Brian's dry cleaning :)

Things that are not priorities.

1. Laundry-I'm pretty sure all our clothes are dirty.
2. Dishes-There might not be any clean.  They are all in the sink.
3. Showering-I was too busy training and eating. No time to shower.  

So for the next 9ish weeks, I'm saying no (smilingly, pleasantly, and nonapologetically) to things that are not priorities.  Hopefully things will not fall apart.

9 weeks to go

Things are getting real this month!!

I actually registered for my race!!  To be completely honest, I'm terrified.  Seriously.  Terrified.  Everything seems very real now.

My April training schedule is by far the toughest yet.  I guess that's to be expected, but it's freaking me out a little bit.  I'm trying just to focus on each day, and not get carried away looking at the whole month.  But I'm already stressed about an 8 mile run on Sunday.  It will be my longest in a long time.  I should mention, the day before the 8 mile run is a 2.5 hour bike.  So my legs should be feeling great.

It's crazy  how my mind works.  I know I can do both of those things, but for some reason I'm scared.   What is that about?  I'm not going to die from running 8 miles.

On top of being a wuss about my training schedule, I've had a serious lack of motivation when it comes to swimming.  Thankfully I sucked it up today and had a good swim.  Maybe that will be the momentum I need.

Here's what the last 2 weeks looked like.  I think I missed posting last week.  I know you have all been wondering.


March 25-31

Swam-2000 yards
Biked-58.5 miles
Ran-8 miles.

April 1- 7

Swam-ZERO (I wasn't lying about my lack of motivation)
Biked-84
Ran-14

So close to 100 miles.  If only I had gotten my butt to the pool a couple times.  Oh well, time to move on.

I have decided this is going to be my motivation when I don't feel like training:

I'll let you know if it helps :)