Saturday, January 21, 2012

Closet Competitor

I'm a closet competitor.  I'm guessing most people who know me wouldn't consider me to be competitive.  I secretly am.   I hide it because I never win.  And being competitive when you never win sucks.

Today's plan was an easy run on the treadmill.  I got to the gym and climbed on the only free treadmill.  I told myself I was going to go easy but the people next to me were running fast, so I ran fast.
As I was running I was telling myself to slow down.  But I didn't listen.  Why? Who cares that I ran faster than some stranger on a treadmill for 45 minutes?  That's right, I ran faster.  I actually pretended I was stretching so I could see how fast the person next to me was running.  Does that really do anything?  No, but I couldn't help it.

As I was running, faster than I should have been, I thought about winning.  And the fact that I never win and will probably never win.  So I thought, maybe I should reevaluate what winning is.  Then I decided that sounded lame.  Winning is winning, right?  You cross the finish like first, you win.  

So, what is a 36 year old, mother of 2 small children to do?  I came up with a ton of excuses as to why I can't win.  The list was long.  Mostly blaming my circumstances, not my ability.  True, I am not a professional.  I will never win a race, but why can't I win my age group?  Most of the other 35-39 year old women have the same responsibilities I do. The same time restrictions, same sick kids, or lack of babysitters. 

I realize this is a lofty goal.  I will not be disappointed every time I don't win.  I will have smaller goals too. Once I figure out my races for the season, and my goals, I will post them.  I've decided to come out of the closet.

No comments:

Post a Comment