Today's plan was an easy run on the treadmill. I got to the gym and climbed on the only free treadmill. I told myself I was going to go easy but the people next to me were running fast, so I ran fast.
As I was running I was telling myself to slow down. But I didn't listen. Why? Who cares that I ran faster than some stranger on a treadmill for 45 minutes? That's right, I ran faster. I actually pretended I was stretching so I could see how fast the person next to me was running. Does that really do anything? No, but I couldn't help it.
As I was running, faster than I should have been, I thought about winning. And the fact that I never win and will probably never win. So I thought, maybe I should reevaluate what winning is. Then I decided that sounded lame. Winning is winning, right? You cross the finish like first, you win.
So, what is a 36 year old, mother of 2 small children to do? I came up with a ton of excuses as to why I can't win. The list was long. Mostly blaming my circumstances, not my ability. True, I am not a professional. I will never win a race, but why can't I win my age group? Most of the other 35-39 year old women have the same responsibilities I do. The same time restrictions, same sick kids, or lack of babysitters.
I realize this is a lofty goal. I will not be disappointed every time I don't win. I will have smaller goals too. Once I figure out my races for the season, and my goals, I will post them. I've decided to come out of the closet.