Saltwater

I had an incredibly difficult morning last Saturday.  I'm not even sure what started it.  Before I knew it, Pnut and I were in an epic battle.  Looking back, it wasn't our worst; it was just at the end of a few difficult weeks.  I am exhausted from the constant battles.  At one point we were cuddled up in her bed, both of us crying.

I decided I needed to get out. I had to go for a run.  I was exhausted but my mind was still racing.  I needed to shut it off.  I got dressed and took off.

I burst into tears at the end of my driveway.  I was running and crying.  This is not easy.  I ran faster, still crying.  I told myself there has to be a pace at which you can't run and cry.  I needed to find that pace.  I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to think.  I ran faster and faster.  I ended up a mile from my house, on the beach, 7:10 minutes later.  7:10!  I've never ran a mile in 7 minutes and 10 seconds.  Granted it was only one, but still faster than I'd ever ran.  I felt good.  Physically and mentally exhausted. I sat, staring at the beach, for a few minutes.  I tried to keep my head clear.

I finally had to keep going.  I ran (not nearly as fast) a couple more miles and headed home.  Hopeful the tears, sweat, and the beautiful Sound were enough to clear my head, to deal with whatever was next.  

I'd like to say that 3 mile run turned the day around.  It didn't.  But it did give me enough strength and clarity to handle what was thrown at me.    

Beach day

There has been a lot of stress in my life over the last few weeks.  We are having issues with our house in Baltimore, Pnut is having some problems, Little Dude is almost 3 and is crazy and last night Brain told me the shower in our master bathroom is leaking.  This morning I had a heated debate (over email) with the people managing our house in Baltimore.  I was having a rough morning.

I knew today was going to be a beautiful day, weather-wise.  I did not want all the crap going on to ruin that.  There was nothing I could do about Pnut's tantrums, Little Dude's 3-ness, a house 3,000 miles away or a leaky bathroom. I guess I could have called someone about the bathroom.....

I texted a friend (I have one or two out here) to see if she wanted to meet up. THANKFULLY she did.  She suggested the beach.  We were set to meet at 11.  I couldn't wait.  I was in desperate need of a beach day.  I knew it wouldn't be like going to Ocean City, but I was going to make it as beachy as possible.  I packed up our beach toys, chairs, towels, and lunch.  We drove the 2 minutes to the beach, parked and carried all our stuff to the beach. 

This is what it looked like. That's my chair.

Not your typical beach.  It was 9:30.  It got more crowded as the day went on.

The kids were more interested in the seal family.

Once Michelle and her children got there, we were able to get them to the beach.  I didn't tell Pnut and Little Dude they were coming.  It was a big surprise.  They were super happy. 

I was super happy.  Michelle and I actually go to sit on the beach and talk for a couple hours.  Not uninterrupted time, but not too many interruptions.  The kids played and ate lunch and built sand traps and dug giant holes....it was perfect.  That NEVER happens.  And I SOOOOO needed it.  

Here are a few more pictures.  

I have pictures of Pnut, but she was never far from Michelle's kids and I'm not sure how she feels about me posting pictures of them here.  On that note, Pnut informed Michelle that she loves her son. She loves me 100% but she loves him more than that.  I'm certain there will be a post about that soon.

We ended it with a stop for frozen yogurt.  Again, Pnut was stuck to Michelle's son. I promise she was there, enjoying her yogurt with Mike and Ikes and gummy worms.

This was not a "beach day" like the ones I am used to.  Not the kind I expected my children to grow up knowing.  But this is what we have, and it's great.  

Now....who do you call about a leaky shower????

The Race Season that Wasn't

This race season is not turning out they way I expected it to.  July 21st and I've done 2 races, and I have none on the horizon.  This is mostly injury related.   A stress fracture and a pulled calf muscle have put a damper on things.  That and a cracked fork.  Have you heard about that :)

I've decided this season isn't for racing.  I'm going to use this time to get healthy and stronger.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed.  I am.  But I'm trying to see the bright side.  I have a chance to do things that will set up a great season next year.  This time next year I plan to be healthy, stronger and hopefully a little smaller.

I am working really hard to lose some weight.  I started reading Skinny Rules by Bob Harper.  "Reading" might be the wrong word. I skimmed it for the important parts and I'm using his menu plan.  Today is day 6 and so far I've lost 1.5 pounds.  At this rate I will be at my goal (at least what I think is my goal) in 3 more weeks.The crazy thing is I haven't been working out much.  I ran twice this week, for a total of less than an hour.  In the past I've worked out like crazy, ate whatever I wanted and lost nothing.  It's not like I was eating junk.  I've been good about what I eat, just not about how much.  I guess it's true...

Other than just losing weight, I'm feeling better all around.  I have more energy and I just feel better.  Now if I can start exercising regularly again, I'll be set.  

Right now I'm thinking my big race next year will be Rev3 Portland 70.3.  I hope to be healthy and strong and ready to start serious training in February.   

Affirmations

I woke up today thinking I would write about my non-existent race season and how I planned to be prepared for next season.  I actually started writing about it.  But as I was putting Pnut in her room, as she's kicking and screaming that I don't love her, I decided to write about something else.

I've been beating myself up recently, about all of my short coming.  In a moment of clarity (or maybe a hallucination brought about by a kick to the head from my darling daughter) I thought "Would you say the things you say to yourself, to a friend?"  Would I tell a friend she was a bad mother because she didn't give her children a fruit or a vegetable with breakfast (or lunch or dinner) ? Certainly not.  But I will beat myself up about it. Parenting is a ridiculously hard job.  Every time I think I'm doing something right, BAM! something happens.  I've decided I'm going to be nicer to myself.  I'm going to do some Stuart Smally affirmations :)  

Thank you Wikipedia 

• You are a good mom!
• It is not your job to entertain your children 24 hours a day.
• No one will get scurvy from a day (or 2) without fruits and vegetables.
• There is nothing wrong with your children wearing dirty socks (or pants) because you haven't done laundry.
• Pnut knows you love her, even if she's angry at all the attention Little Dude is getting from potty training.
• People who give you dirty looks because your children aren't behaving, do not know anything about you or your children.  They don't know how hard you (and your children) try.
• You only have so much control over what your children do. You don't take credit for the great things they do, why do you take blame for the "bad" things?

That's all I have time for now.  Nap time is almost over.  I'm guessing hoping I'm not the only one who feels defeated at times.  Be nice to yourself!  Remember you're good enough, you're strong enough, and, doggonit, people like you!! 

I hope it's ok I borrowed that from SNL.  Guessing no one from there reads my blog. 

Attitude Adjustment

Last week was a rough week for me.  I was really depressed.  I felt myself plunging into a deep abyss.  It was a horrible feeling.  I was unsure what to do, but I knew I had to do something.

There were a lot of things contributing to my mood, not the least of which was the weather.  I'm sure you've heard me mention this, but it's July 1st and it's still chilly and wet.  I know it has been crazy hot in the rest of the country but in Seattle, we haven't seen much of the sun.

Friday morning I decided I had to do something.  I had visions of spending the weekend in bed, hiding from the rain (and my children).  I came up with a better idea, a road trip.  I spent the morning trying to find a cabin in Leavenworth. If you've never been, it's a great little Bavarian themed town, in eastern Washington.  It's about a 120 miles from Seattle.

All the buildings look like this

I think this is the mini golf course

In case you are unfamiliar with Washington's geography, here's a map.

Seattle is in the Puget Sound area.  Leavenworth is around Wenatchee, on the other side of the Cascade Mountains.  Apparently the mountains keep all the clouds (and rain) on the western side of the state.  This weekend it was in the 60's and raining in Seattle.  Leavenworth was 80 and sunny.  Beautiful.

We got a great cabin about 5 miles from town.  I was super impressed by the cabin.  Nothing fancy, but really nice.  There was a rope swing that the kids LOVED.  They could have spent the entire weekend on it.

Pnut and I enjoyed the pool while Little Dude and Brian took a nap.

We even stopped for ice cream after dinner.  

It was a great time and I feel like a new person.  To top it off, it looks like summer will be here soon!

Rock n Roll Half

This race was a roller coaster from the beginning.  It all started here.  From January to March, my training was better than expected.  I hit a snag in March.  I had a stress fracture.  March to May I didn't run.  I started back up in May and felt pretty good.  About 3 weeks before the race I fell off my bike.  This may or may not have been when I pulled a calf muscle.  I guess when and how it happened doesn't really matter, it happened.


Last Wednesday, 3 days before the race, I went for a run.  I made it half a mile before my calf started hurting.  I stopped and called my chiropractor and begged for an appointment that afternoon.  Thankfully she saw me, and after 10 painful minutes, I felt better.  


Thursday my sister and brother-in-law came in from Baltimore.  It was great to see them!!  Friday, Kelly and I headed into the city to get our packets at the expo.  The 20ish mile drive took over 90 minutes.  It SUCKED!!!  We finally got our packet and picked up some goodies at the expo.   I had a guy from KT Tape, tape up my calf.  He was clearly tired of doing it.  I looked back at one point had he was texting while taping me.  Needless to say, the tape lasted about an hour.  


We had a fabulous pre-race meal at Palace Kitchen.  Kelly and I both had the pan seared cod with spinach and peas.  It was ridiculously good.  I wish I had some now.

We woke up around 5 and were so happy it wasn't raining.  We got ready and walked to the start.  It was a nice warm up.

Here we are at the start.

It was downhill from here.  The first half mile was ok.  By mile 1 I was in pain.  It was deflating to know I wasn't going to do well and worse, the next 12.1 miles were going to hurt.  I did the best I could the next couple miles.  Kelly was kind enough to stay with me.  By mile 5, I was ready to quit.   The only reason I didn't was because I didn't know how.  Would I just walk the five miles back to the start?  I couldn't figure out what to do, so I kept going.  At mile 7 I stopped at a medical tent.  The doctor gave me a painful calf massage and some ridiculously strong Gatorade.  I felt a little better so I decided to keep going.

The "little better" feeling lasted until I started running.  I forced myself to keep going, although I debated if I was doing more harm than good.  Was finishing this race important enough to risk doing actual damage?  Was I doing actual damage?  I'm still not sure.   The race might not have been that important but I don't like to quit.  I didn't want to go home knowing I didn't finish what I started.  I didn't want to tell Pnut I quit because it hurt.  

So, I finished.  It was incredibly slow and I was close to tears a couple times.  Not just because of the pain, because this was not the race I wanted to have.  I was so angry that an injury was messing things up.  I felt like I had a good race in me.  It was really disappointing that it wasn't working out.

I'm still upset about it.  I've had my share of bad races and I know I'll get over this one.  I have no other races planned this year.  As much as I'd like to get back out there, to put this one behind me, I'm going to let my body heal.  I'm going to make sure I'm 100% before I race again.  

On the bright side...the medal is pretty cool.

Traditions

Recently I've been thinking about traditions.  I think it's summer time.  I see Facebook posts about things like spending the day at the pool and going to the beach.  It makes me think about summer traditions.

Growing up, my family always went to Florida on vacations.  We lived in Georgia and my grandparents lived in Florida.  My mom and aunts would pile all the kids into cars, early in the morning, and we'd make the 8 hour drive.  I don't really remember the drives.  I do remember spending days at the Bath Club.  I thought it was the fanciest place around.  They had a beach, a pool AND a restaurant were you could sit outside AND they put fruit in your drinks.  Fancy.

When I got older, we moved to Maryland.  In Maryland, vacation means "goin down the ocean".  It's not to the ocean or to the beach, it's down the ocean.  Brian and I thought we would have this tradition.  We went last year. It was a lot of fun.

I was also planning on joining a pool.  I thought the kids and I would spend our summer days at the pool.

Then we moved.

Today in Seattle it was raining with a high of 57. Raining and 57 is not beach or pool weather.  I've been told summer doesn't start until July 5th.  That's only 3 weeks away.  The average temperatures in July and August are around 75.  Even September is pretty nice.  But what do we do?  What will our summer traditions be?

We do have a neighborhood pool.  I'm in no way convinced that pool will ever be warm enough for the kids to play in.  We have a beach down the street, but the water in the Sound will never be warm enough to play in, and beaches around here aren't like beaches on the east coast.  They are rocky and small.

I don't want to sounds like I'm down on summers in Seattle.  From what I remember, summers here are awesome.  All I'm saying is things will be different.  Our family traditions will be different, but I want to make sure we have them.  I want Pnut and Little Dude to grow up saying "We always did....".  Traditions are important.

So do I wait for the years to go by and see what traditions develop, or do I decide what the traditions will be and start them?

I just thought this was funny.