Compairison

I've been thinking about this a lot recently.  I think back to my first triathlon in 2004.  It was the Reebok Women's Sprint.  I knew nothing about triathlon and I didn't know anyone else who was doing one.

This was the finish.  You can't tell, but I was happy :)

 

My second season I added an Olympic distance.  This was INSANE for me at the time.  By 2005 I knew of a couple people who were doing Danskin. Friend of a friend kind of thing.  I didn't know anyone who had done an Olympic distance.  I was so freaked out about it, I saw a nutritionist.  I also stopped drinking before the race because I was worried about dehydration.  It was in Seattle.  Looking back, not much of a risk of dehydration :)  This was also my first co-ed race.  Super scary.

I went to a party after the race and told everyone about it.  They were shocked that I had done something so amazing (or at least they pretended to care).

Fast forward to 2013.  Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and blogs, everyone I know does triathlons, runs marathons, does adventure races...You name it, I "know" someone who does it.  

Does this make my accomplishments any less amazing?  Sometimes it does.  I finished a half Ironman.  I should be thrilled.  Instead, I see people who use my BIG RACE as warm up.  I read about people who run 2 marathons in a weekend.  People who run ultra marathons.  

I joined this online world of endurance athletes to be inspired.  And don't get me wrong, I am inspired.  I have learned so much more is possible than I ever could have imagined.  But sometimes it gets to me.  I can't open my Facebook page on a weekend and not see at least 5 pictures of race medals. I can't look Daily Mile and not find someone who has logged insane mileage.  Sometimes it's too much.

I need to step back and be proud of what I've accomplished compared to when I started.  Not worry about what other people have accomplished.

Control

I recently discovered that I have control issues.  If you met me, I'm guessing you wouldn't think I was a control freak.  But  I kind of am.  I have a really hard time when things are beyond my control.  I feel all knotted up inside, like I can't breathe.  I've always been like this, but it's just recently been pointed out that it's a control thing.

With that said, I need to focus on what I can control;  how I handle situations. (Was that the appropriate use of a ; ? Should how be capitalized?  I need an editor. Or a 3rd grade teacher.)  I have decided I will survive these out of my control situations with courage, humor and grace.

• I will survive Pnut's crazy school/activity schedule, as well as her homework tantrums.  
• I will survive Little Dude's non-existent attention span.
• I will survive Brian's 100 hour work weeks. I hope he can also survive.
• I will survive physical therapy and get myself ready for Boise. Did I mention I registered?  I did.
• I will survive the lovely Seattle winter, although I'm not entirely sure how.

I am well aware that survive is a pretty strong word in relation to the things I mentioned, but when you're in the middle of it, it feels like survival.  When Pnut is on the floor crying because math is so boring. When Reilly needs to be told 100 times to put his shoes on. When I have to deal with all of this alone because Brian is always at work.  When all these things pile up, it feels like I'm trying to survive.

I have no control over other people's actions (although I REALLY wish I did), but I do have control over mine.  That's what I need to focus on.

Torn

If this is true, I am certainly a good mom.  I woke up this morning and couldn't believe the state of my house. That is saying something.  I am certainly no June Clever.  Things are always a little chaotic here.  But this summer has taken it to a new level. 

In Seattle, it's important to make the most of the summer.  Gray, raining days are just around the corner.  So, the kids and I have been making the most of our last days.  I have no time, or energy for cleaning.  

For all the "I must enjoy every minute of summer" talk, I'm starting to crave the routine of school. I'm looking forward to schedules, sweaters, and soup. And the new season of NCIS :)

We have 2 weeks until school starts. Two weeks of swimming pools, parks, staying up late(ish). Two weeks of nothing we HAVE to do.  Two weeks of lazy mornings.  I'm going to enjoy them, but I do need to do something about the laundry....or buy everyone more clothes.

Diet Mysteries

Recently, I haven't been thrilled with how I've been feeling, or looking.  It's not just about weight, although that certainly is part of it.  I am tired of being bloated and feeling tired.  I'm tired of having dark circles under my eyes.  Tired of feeling gross.  I have been eating gluten free for 6 months or so, but I still felt gross.  Clearly gluten isn't my issues, or isn't my only issue.

So a couple weeks ago I decided to give up grains, dairy and sugar.  Basically following a "Paleo" diet.  They first 3 days I wanted to punch someone in the face.  Really, I wanted to punch everyone who spoke to me or looked at me.  On day 4 I started to feel a lot better.  By the end of the week, I felt amazing.  The next week I decided I need my coffee (with a little milk and sugar).  But that was the only sugar or dairy I ate.  I still felt great.  The circles under my eyes were going away.  My stomach was flat.  My energy was back.  And I wasn't missing anything I wasn't eating. I was only missing the convenience of those foods.  I was eating way more veggies than I normally do, but my diet was basically the same every day.

Then came Little Dude's birthday celebration.  We had gluten free pizza and gluten free cake.  About 15 minutes after we ate, I felt horrible.  I had stomach cramps and wanted to curl up and climb in bed.  I was miserable.  The rest of that weekend wasn't great either.  I felt horrible the whole weekend.  Way worse than I felt before I stopped eating those foods.  Does your body get used to them?  Then when you take them away and add them back, it's that much worse?  I don't know.  All I know was the pizza, cake, beer and crackers weren't good enough to deal with the aftermath.  I would like to figure out what it is that makes me feel disgusting.

So here we are Monday morning. I go on vacation in 5 days.  Vacation has always been a time to be a little glutenous, but I don't want to feel like a bloated piece of poo on my vacation.  But how do you eat right on vacation?  This is a foreign concept to me.  I need to figure something out.

I also need a plan to discover the mystery of which food doesn't agree with me.  I'm hopeful that if I eliminate the common food allergies, then add them back one at a time, I should be able to find the culprit.  We shall see.

In other news...Irongirl is 13 days away.  My training is still non-existent.  I need to wrap my mind around the fact that this isn't going to be a "race".  It's going to be a swim/bike/run with 1000 other people.  And I need to be ok with that.  My physical therapy is going well.  Trying to get my butt, hips and legs stronger.  This is going to be my focus for the next 5 months.  I will try to get in some swim/bike/runs, but more than anything, I need to get stronger (and stretchier).

Summertime!

After suffering through winter in Seattle, I'm trying my hardest to enjoy the summer.

So far, it has been AWESOME!  I think the kids are at a perfect age for summer fun.  They are old enough to do stuff, but not so old that they don't want to be with me.  My goal for summer was to have the kids doing enough stuff so they weren't bored, but not so much that we were rushing around all day.  I can't say I got it right.  There are a couple days each week that are crazy busy.  We have camp, Tball, gymnastics, and swimming.   It's a lot for me.  The kids don't seem to have any problems with it.

I'm already getting sad about summer ending.  I know we still have a lot of time left.  It just seems to be moving so fast.  Maybe it's because we have already done so much.  I don't know.  I'm going to try to stop looking ahead and just enjoy today.

We have 5 weeks of summer vacation left.  That is a lot of time to get in some more summer memories.  I have a trip to Whistler, a new puppy, and one more race.

Speaking of that race....Since June 8th, I have been on my bike maybe twice, ran a handful of times and swam once.  The race is August 18th.  I'm telling myself not to expect much. But I know I'll be pissed if I don't beat my time from last year.  Funny how much I expect when I have put NOTHING in.

All in all, I have enjoyed having a summer off from training.  I'm hoping not to repeat it next year, but I've liked having the whole summer for family things.  Not trying to fit family things around my training.  I didn't realize how much I needed a break.

That said, I'm going to get my races on the schedule for next season.  A break is nice, but I'm ready to get back at it.

Lost: Motivation

Has anyone seen my motivation?  I'm thinking about putting her picture on a milk carton.  She's been missing for about a month.  Maybe she went on vacation and forgot to let me know.

Some good news...I went to physical therapy today, and it went well.  My PT said I could bike and run.  I have some stretches and exercises to do, and have to go back twice a week for a few weeks. But all in all, not bad.  Turns out my hip is really tight and weak.  Shocker.

In an attempt to get my motivation back, I registered for Irongirl this morning.  It's a month away. I'm really excited for the race, but I'm still not really excited to train for it. I know once I start, I'll feel better.  It's just the starting.

Erika suggested I use my Boise training plan, just shortening the training sessions.  Sounds like a good idea.  I pulled up my first month's plan and it looks like today is a rest day :)  Can't just jump right into this stuff.

I actually do care, I just love this movie.

Hurt.....again

I tried to pretend it wasn't happening.  I tried to ignore it.  I thought if I didn't talk about it, it would go away.  Apparently that's not how it works.  For months and months I've been having hip/lower back pain.  I finally broke down and saw a doctor yesterday.  Turns out it's tendinitis. She threw out lots of words like piriformis and iliacus and sartorious.  Of all the things I was worried about, tendinitis isn't so bad.  A few weeks of PT and I should be ok.

What is annoying is this keeps happening.  Not this specific injury, but an injury.  Normally on my right side, below my waist.  Something is going on from my hip to my ankle.  I'm doing something wrong and it is so frustrating.  I keep thinking I need to build up strength and stretch more. But it's hard to train for a triathlon AND do strength training.  I felt great when I was doing yoga, but I just can't fit it in my schedule right now.

I am still planning on doing Irongirl next month.  Even if I can't really train, it's a fun race and I want to do it.  It's the only thing on my schedule.  I'm going to try to spend the next 5 months getting ready for next season's training.  As annoying as it is, that's what I have to do.

I'm not going to mope around feeling sorry for myself (at least not too much).  I have big plans in the next couple of years.  I need to get my body ready. If that doesn't work, Erika might be able to get me a new hip at a discount :)