Compairison

I've been thinking about this a lot recently.  I think back to my first triathlon in 2004.  It was the Reebok Women's Sprint.  I knew nothing about triathlon and I didn't know anyone else who was doing one.

This was the finish.  You can't tell, but I was happy :)

 

My second season I added an Olympic distance.  This was INSANE for me at the time.  By 2005 I knew of a couple people who were doing Danskin. Friend of a friend kind of thing.  I didn't know anyone who had done an Olympic distance.  I was so freaked out about it, I saw a nutritionist.  I also stopped drinking before the race because I was worried about dehydration.  It was in Seattle.  Looking back, not much of a risk of dehydration :)  This was also my first co-ed race.  Super scary.

I went to a party after the race and told everyone about it.  They were shocked that I had done something so amazing (or at least they pretended to care).

Fast forward to 2013.  Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and blogs, everyone I know does triathlons, runs marathons, does adventure races...You name it, I "know" someone who does it.  

Does this make my accomplishments any less amazing?  Sometimes it does.  I finished a half Ironman.  I should be thrilled.  Instead, I see people who use my BIG RACE as warm up.  I read about people who run 2 marathons in a weekend.  People who run ultra marathons.  

I joined this online world of endurance athletes to be inspired.  And don't get me wrong, I am inspired.  I have learned so much more is possible than I ever could have imagined.  But sometimes it gets to me.  I can't open my Facebook page on a weekend and not see at least 5 pictures of race medals. I can't look Daily Mile and not find someone who has logged insane mileage.  Sometimes it's too much.

I need to step back and be proud of what I've accomplished compared to when I started.  Not worry about what other people have accomplished.

Control

I recently discovered that I have control issues.  If you met me, I'm guessing you wouldn't think I was a control freak.  But  I kind of am.  I have a really hard time when things are beyond my control.  I feel all knotted up inside, like I can't breathe.  I've always been like this, but it's just recently been pointed out that it's a control thing.

With that said, I need to focus on what I can control;  how I handle situations. (Was that the appropriate use of a ; ? Should how be capitalized?  I need an editor. Or a 3rd grade teacher.)  I have decided I will survive these out of my control situations with courage, humor and grace.

• I will survive Pnut's crazy school/activity schedule, as well as her homework tantrums.  
• I will survive Little Dude's non-existent attention span.
• I will survive Brian's 100 hour work weeks. I hope he can also survive.
• I will survive physical therapy and get myself ready for Boise. Did I mention I registered?  I did.
• I will survive the lovely Seattle winter, although I'm not entirely sure how.

I am well aware that survive is a pretty strong word in relation to the things I mentioned, but when you're in the middle of it, it feels like survival.  When Pnut is on the floor crying because math is so boring. When Reilly needs to be told 100 times to put his shoes on. When I have to deal with all of this alone because Brian is always at work.  When all these things pile up, it feels like I'm trying to survive.

I have no control over other people's actions (although I REALLY wish I did), but I do have control over mine.  That's what I need to focus on.

Torn

If this is true, I am certainly a good mom.  I woke up this morning and couldn't believe the state of my house. That is saying something.  I am certainly no June Clever.  Things are always a little chaotic here.  But this summer has taken it to a new level. 

In Seattle, it's important to make the most of the summer.  Gray, raining days are just around the corner.  So, the kids and I have been making the most of our last days.  I have no time, or energy for cleaning.  

For all the "I must enjoy every minute of summer" talk, I'm starting to crave the routine of school. I'm looking forward to schedules, sweaters, and soup. And the new season of NCIS :)

We have 2 weeks until school starts. Two weeks of swimming pools, parks, staying up late(ish). Two weeks of nothing we HAVE to do.  Two weeks of lazy mornings.  I'm going to enjoy them, but I do need to do something about the laundry....or buy everyone more clothes.

Diet Mysteries

Recently, I haven't been thrilled with how I've been feeling, or looking.  It's not just about weight, although that certainly is part of it.  I am tired of being bloated and feeling tired.  I'm tired of having dark circles under my eyes.  Tired of feeling gross.  I have been eating gluten free for 6 months or so, but I still felt gross.  Clearly gluten isn't my issues, or isn't my only issue.

So a couple weeks ago I decided to give up grains, dairy and sugar.  Basically following a "Paleo" diet.  They first 3 days I wanted to punch someone in the face.  Really, I wanted to punch everyone who spoke to me or looked at me.  On day 4 I started to feel a lot better.  By the end of the week, I felt amazing.  The next week I decided I need my coffee (with a little milk and sugar).  But that was the only sugar or dairy I ate.  I still felt great.  The circles under my eyes were going away.  My stomach was flat.  My energy was back.  And I wasn't missing anything I wasn't eating. I was only missing the convenience of those foods.  I was eating way more veggies than I normally do, but my diet was basically the same every day.

Then came Little Dude's birthday celebration.  We had gluten free pizza and gluten free cake.  About 15 minutes after we ate, I felt horrible.  I had stomach cramps and wanted to curl up and climb in bed.  I was miserable.  The rest of that weekend wasn't great either.  I felt horrible the whole weekend.  Way worse than I felt before I stopped eating those foods.  Does your body get used to them?  Then when you take them away and add them back, it's that much worse?  I don't know.  All I know was the pizza, cake, beer and crackers weren't good enough to deal with the aftermath.  I would like to figure out what it is that makes me feel disgusting.

So here we are Monday morning. I go on vacation in 5 days.  Vacation has always been a time to be a little glutenous, but I don't want to feel like a bloated piece of poo on my vacation.  But how do you eat right on vacation?  This is a foreign concept to me.  I need to figure something out.

I also need a plan to discover the mystery of which food doesn't agree with me.  I'm hopeful that if I eliminate the common food allergies, then add them back one at a time, I should be able to find the culprit.  We shall see.

In other news...Irongirl is 13 days away.  My training is still non-existent.  I need to wrap my mind around the fact that this isn't going to be a "race".  It's going to be a swim/bike/run with 1000 other people.  And I need to be ok with that.  My physical therapy is going well.  Trying to get my butt, hips and legs stronger.  This is going to be my focus for the next 5 months.  I will try to get in some swim/bike/runs, but more than anything, I need to get stronger (and stretchier).

Summertime!

After suffering through winter in Seattle, I'm trying my hardest to enjoy the summer.

So far, it has been AWESOME!  I think the kids are at a perfect age for summer fun.  They are old enough to do stuff, but not so old that they don't want to be with me.  My goal for summer was to have the kids doing enough stuff so they weren't bored, but not so much that we were rushing around all day.  I can't say I got it right.  There are a couple days each week that are crazy busy.  We have camp, Tball, gymnastics, and swimming.   It's a lot for me.  The kids don't seem to have any problems with it.

I'm already getting sad about summer ending.  I know we still have a lot of time left.  It just seems to be moving so fast.  Maybe it's because we have already done so much.  I don't know.  I'm going to try to stop looking ahead and just enjoy today.

We have 5 weeks of summer vacation left.  That is a lot of time to get in some more summer memories.  I have a trip to Whistler, a new puppy, and one more race.

Speaking of that race....Since June 8th, I have been on my bike maybe twice, ran a handful of times and swam once.  The race is August 18th.  I'm telling myself not to expect much. But I know I'll be pissed if I don't beat my time from last year.  Funny how much I expect when I have put NOTHING in.

All in all, I have enjoyed having a summer off from training.  I'm hoping not to repeat it next year, but I've liked having the whole summer for family things.  Not trying to fit family things around my training.  I didn't realize how much I needed a break.

That said, I'm going to get my races on the schedule for next season.  A break is nice, but I'm ready to get back at it.

Lost: Motivation

Has anyone seen my motivation?  I'm thinking about putting her picture on a milk carton.  She's been missing for about a month.  Maybe she went on vacation and forgot to let me know.

Some good news...I went to physical therapy today, and it went well.  My PT said I could bike and run.  I have some stretches and exercises to do, and have to go back twice a week for a few weeks. But all in all, not bad.  Turns out my hip is really tight and weak.  Shocker.

In an attempt to get my motivation back, I registered for Irongirl this morning.  It's a month away. I'm really excited for the race, but I'm still not really excited to train for it. I know once I start, I'll feel better.  It's just the starting.

Erika suggested I use my Boise training plan, just shortening the training sessions.  Sounds like a good idea.  I pulled up my first month's plan and it looks like today is a rest day :)  Can't just jump right into this stuff.

I actually do care, I just love this movie.

Hurt.....again

I tried to pretend it wasn't happening.  I tried to ignore it.  I thought if I didn't talk about it, it would go away.  Apparently that's not how it works.  For months and months I've been having hip/lower back pain.  I finally broke down and saw a doctor yesterday.  Turns out it's tendinitis. She threw out lots of words like piriformis and iliacus and sartorious.  Of all the things I was worried about, tendinitis isn't so bad.  A few weeks of PT and I should be ok.

What is annoying is this keeps happening.  Not this specific injury, but an injury.  Normally on my right side, below my waist.  Something is going on from my hip to my ankle.  I'm doing something wrong and it is so frustrating.  I keep thinking I need to build up strength and stretch more. But it's hard to train for a triathlon AND do strength training.  I felt great when I was doing yoga, but I just can't fit it in my schedule right now.

I am still planning on doing Irongirl next month.  Even if I can't really train, it's a fun race and I want to do it.  It's the only thing on my schedule.  I'm going to try to spend the next 5 months getting ready for next season's training.  As annoying as it is, that's what I have to do.

I'm not going to mope around feeling sorry for myself (at least not too much).  I have big plans in the next couple of years.  I need to get my body ready. If that doesn't work, Erika might be able to get me a new hip at a discount :)

Guilt

As a mom, I feel like I'm constantly feeling guilty about my choices.   My latest guilt.....Insanity.  I started the program Monday.  Today is my 5th workout, and already, I'm feeling guilty.  You know why?  I do these videos at home.  This means my kids are there during "my time".  They are watching me, talking to me, asking for things.  Half the reason I started exercising, was time away.

For the last 4 days I have dealt with the kids encroaching on "my time".  Today, I couldn't do it.  Pnut plopped herself down on the sofa to watch me, and I couldn't deal with it.  I told her to find something to do.  She had just watched an hour of TV and I was sick of watching her lay on the sofa.

She lost it.  Then I lost it.  I'm so angry and sad.  I feel guilty.  I feel like a bad mom.  I know it is not my job to entertain my  kids 24/7.  A 6 year old should be able to find something to do for 45 min.  Her 3 year old brother was doing just fine in the playroom.  So now we are in a bad place and it's only 9:15 in the morning.  It is really hard for me to shake it off.  It is practically impossible for Pnut to shake it off.

So here I am, dressed in my workout clothes, listening to Pnut stomp around the house.  This is just how I didn't want the summer to go.  And here we are, day 5, and it's shaping up to be like last summer.  I feel like I can't catch my breath.  Like if I could just get this work out in, just get the kitchen cleaned, just clean the playroom....

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I will get my act together.  I will exercise, I will make sure our day doesn't suck, I will do my best.

But for right now, I'm pissed off and I'm going to have a pity party.

Summer Time!!

This is the first "real" week of summer break.   The first week of me and the kids at home.  I am determined to make it better than last summer.  Pnut and I had a rough time last summer.  I spent too much time in my room, hiding and crying.  She spent too much time driving me insane.  I will not let that happen again.

I know the key is consistency and a schedule.  Pnut NEEDS it.  I am HORRIBLE at making it happen.

I came up with a schedule yesterday.  Here it is.

Yes, I put it in a frame.  I saw someone do it on a blog and thought it was fancy :)

Today was the first day with the schedule.  It has been pretty good so far.  We ate lunch late, and had to run some errands, so we got a bit off, but no one seemed to mind.

I downloaded this summer fun book to give me some craft/adventure ideas.  That's right, I bought a "what to do with your kids this summer" book.  That's how worried I've been about summer break.  There are some cute ideas in there.  You should check it out.

Here are some pictures of the first week.

zoo

Fence mural- got this idea from the  summer fun book

Little Dude took a different approach

Beach with my Little Dude

Bathing beauty

They were eating gelato after the beach. 

Pnut doing "homework"

Rainbow art

Pnut went all out

Four days in and I'm exhausted!  Thank goodness they have camp next week.

Boise 70.3 Race Report

Here's the scoop on my race.

Pre-race:

The race started at noon, which was odd.  I woke up, ate a peanut butter waffle and had some coffee.  Then I sat around for a couple of hours.  Brian drove me to drop off my T2 bag (there were 2 transition areas), then took me to T1 to set up my bike and get ready for the swim.

Both transition areas were "clean", which means you had to keep all your stuff in a bag.  One of the many things that were new to me.

T2-All our run stuff had to be in a bag

I got all my bike stuff in my bag, put all my morning clothes in a bag, and headed down to the swim.  I waited until the last possible moment to put on my wetsuit.  It was somewhere around 80 degrees at the start.  A full wetsuit in 80 degree weather is no fun.

Swim

I borrowed Erika's wetsuit for the swim.  I only have a sleeveless one, and I figured full sleeves would be good in 60 degree water.  "They" say you should never try something new on race day.  "They" are right.  I was so happy to get in the water after baking in the sun for an hour.  That changed as soon as I put my toe in the water.  60 degree water is COLD!!  I forced myself to go underwater to get used to it.  I was having trouble controlling my breathing.  I could feel myself panicking.  I got myself under control in time to see a boat bring in a swimmer who was shivering.  This was not what I wanted to see.

Finally they let us go out to the swim start.  I hung out with 60 of my closest friends, getting kick and being pulled by the tide (It's a reservoir.  Not really sure there was a tide, but I was getting dragged by something.)  We were all bunched around the buoy and I was getting claustrophobic.   I remembered Erika said to move away from the buoy at the start, so I moved.

Then the horn went off.  All 60 of us started swimming.  Even away from the pack, it was rough.  I was kicked and pushed around.  I'm certain I kicked my share of people too.  Once I got some space, I noticed my sleeves were filling with water.  I started freaking out.  I kept swimming, but I was freaking out.  What if my wetsuit is filling with water?  What if I drowned?  Can I stay afloat with a wetsuit full of water?  What if they have to pull me out of the water?  I can't have my race end after 5 minutes!!!

I finally calmed down and decided since it was just my arms, I'd be ok. I guess this is why "they" say not to try something new on race day.

This was the hardest swim I've ever done in a race.  The water was like a washing machine.  Every time I took a breath, I got a face full of water.  I was constantly struggling to stay on course.  I'm not sure how far a swam, but it was way more than 1.2 miles.

Swim- 40:43
Rank- 16/58

T1-
I have one word for T1....wetsuit strippers.  AMAZING!  Once my wetsuit was off, I headed to my bike.  My T1 time was horrible.  I felt sick after the swim, so I took it slow.  I also had all my bike stuff in a bag, so I had to dig through to get everything.  Then I had to put my swim stuff back in the bag. Anything left out wouldn't make it to the finish.

T1-7:07

Bike-

Here's where things got ugly. I was expecting it to be hot.  I was expecting some hills.  I was not expecting the wind.  It was 54 miles of a headwind or crosswind.  There were 2 miles of no wind.  At one point, I was pedaling downhill, against the wind, and I was going 15 mph.  DOWNHILL!  It was crazy.  And the crosswinds were scary.  A couple of times I thought I was going to get blown off my bike.

I should go back a bit.  At T1, this is what my bars looked like.

This was where a lot of my calories were going to come from. Now, they were a melty mess.  I left them in my bike bag.  Around 400 calories I would not have.

Back to the bike.  Did I mention it was windy? It was.  I kept telling myself I could make up time on the way back.  I there was a headwind going out, there had to be a tailwind coming back, right?  Nope.

Around mile 15 I saw my cousin, Wes, and his family.  That was such a nice surprise.  It really lifted my spirit.

I finally made it to the turn around at mile 25 and was feeling good about things.  I started passing people.  It was awesome.  I was pumped for the last half.  I just knew I would make up time and could still reach my goal.  Did I mention my goal time?  I wanted to be around 3 hours.  I would have been happy with 3:15.  At this point, I was averaging 14.5 mph.  That was not going to get me to my goal.  But I had plenty of time to make it up.  Especially now that there was no wind.  Then, after about 10 awesome minutes, the wind picked up.  It was so windy, it made funnels in the dust.  It looked like tiny tornadoes.  THEN.....I got hit by a tumbleweed!! No lie.  Three tumbleweeds blew across the road and one hit me!  And if that wasn't enough....a yellow jacket hits me in the face.  Thank god it didn't sting me.

During this whole ride my nose was running like crazy.  Insane amounts of crap coming out of my nose. I kept wiping it, because I can't bring myself to blow a snot rocket.  Between rubbing my nose, and the salt and sunburn on my face, I was hurting. Did I mention the heat?  It was hot.  It might have been 90 in Boise, but wherever we were, it was hotter. There was not a cloud in the sky and there was no shade on the bike.

By mile 40 I was done.  I told myself I would finish the bike, but there was no way I was running.  I was beat.  I had consumed somewhere around 300 calories. I knew this wasn't enough, but it was so hot, I couldn't make myself eat.  Plus I was missing my bars...

Bike-3:43:16
Rank-33/58

T2

Once I got off my bike I was still pretty sure I wasn't running.  I promised Brian I would be safe, and not push it if the heat was too much. There were a couple of people on the bike course who were getting medical attention because of the heat.  It was no joke.  I knew I was under-fueled and dehydrated.  I had close to 5 bottles of fluid and still didn't have to use the bathroom.

At some point, I decided to keep going.  I got my shoes on and headed to the sunscreen people.  I was told the run was shady.....

T2- 4:39


Run

Did I mention the run was going to be shady?  It was...for awhile.  I felt pretty good when I started. I was so happy to be out of the sun.  About a mile in there was a guy laying on the grass getting an IV of fluids.  Not really what you want to see.  Over the 13.1 miles, I saw at least 5 people on the ground, in various states.  It was scary.

I made it to the first water station, around mile 1.  I drank water and stuck ice down my shirt.  I tried to run to every aid station.  It worked at first.  Then, somewhere around mile 3 (maybe) the shade was gone.  I was back in the baking sun.  I did the best I could.  WAY more walking than I wanted.  I was an emotional and physical mess.  I was miserable.  I just told myself to get to the next aid station.  Whatever it took, just keep moving forward.  Once I started my second loop, I was feeling better.  I had cooled down and came to grips with the fact that my race was not what I had planned it to be.

I was going to finish, and I was going to make the best of it.  I started talking to people.  I cheered on the people I passed.  I talked to the volunteers.  I thanked everyone who cheered for me.  I stopped to help people.  I made the best of it.

I have to say the finish of this race is awesome.  The streets were lined with people cheering.  I was so emotional.  It is really hard to run and breathe and hold back tears.  I managed to keep the tears away until I crossed the finish line.

Run-2:40:23
Rank-36/58

Post-race:

I saw Brian, the kids, and some friends, after I crossed the finish line.  I burst into tears.  I was so happy to see them.  So happy I finished.

This was not the race I wanted it to be.  I was disappointed for awhile.  I felt pretty sick the rest of the day and the following day.  I was seriously dehydrated.  After everything I drank, I still didn't pee for over 8 hours.  I was sunburned and I'm not sure I've ever had lips so chapped.

I had hoped to finish in 6:30 (secretly, I wanted to be closer to 6 hours).  My official time was 7:16:08.  I'm ok with it now.  Things happen.  I learned a lot from this race.  I made mistakes that I hope to avoid in future races.

May

I know I say this every month, but where did last month go? Time is flying by.  I am so happy it is almost summer.  Wednesday is the kid's last day of school.  Thursday morning we head to Boise and start our summer!!

May, just like April, was a blur.  I did accomplish my goals, kind of. Pnut and Little Dude are still alive, and I trained.  I didn't get every one of my workouts it, but I did the best I could do.  And I really feel ready for this race.

I'm starting to freak out a little about the heat.  It's going to be in the 80's, and the race starts at noon.  So I'll probably be running during the hottest part of the day.  I'm trying to remain calm.  There is nothing I can do about the weather.  All I can do is be as prepared as possible. That's what I'm trying to do.  That, and checking the weather every couple hours.

Hopefully the heat will have warmed up the reservoir.  Last I heard it was still in the 50's.  Can you imagine standing around, in a full wetsuit, waiting for your wave, when it is 80 degrees outside??  I'm sweating just thinking about it.  Speaking of wetsuits, I still can not figure out the best way to get in and out of one. It is exhausting and probably a pretty good laugh for those around me. Mine looks like this :)

Found this at BNQT.com. They have a bunch of awkward wetsuit photos :)

All in all, I'm crazy excited about this weekend.   I really think this is going to be a great race for me.  I feel more prepared than I have been for any other race.  Cross your fingers and think cool thoughts!!

Not the End of the World

I had big plans to crush this last week of serious training. Here's what my week has looked like:

Monday-off (missed a 2500 swim)
Tuesday-off
Wednesday-31 mile bike
Thursday-off (missed 2100 swim/1 hour bike)

Not sure that constitutes crushing it. I'm not sure that even counts as training.  I was beating myself up about it last night and this morning.  Then I realized it's ok.  My body/mind needed a rest.   I needed to spend a day playing with my kids and not trying to fit in the gym.   Or that's what I'm telling myself.

I know 2 missed days will not ruin my race.  I have 10 more training days.  I'm going to do my best to get them all in, and that's all I can do.  Looking back isn't going to help.

This should be a fortune cookie.

The race is 16 days away.  I have my biggest training day yet, on Saturday.  3.5 hour bike/6 mile run.  I'm terrified, but excited.  I'm exhausted, but I know I can do it.

Be Proud

I have a bad habit of focusing on what I don't do, not focusing on what I do.  Instead of being happy with all the items crossed off my to-do list, I only see what didn't get done.   Instead of focusing on all the great things I do with/for the kids, I obsess over the times I yelled, or was short, or wasn't understanding.  

I do the same thing with my training.  I had a horrible bike ride last Saturday.  I literally stopped on the side of the trail and cried.  Cried and sent friends text messages about how sucky it was.  Thankfully my friend Kim, who happens to be training for a 70.3 as well, called and gave me a kick in the ass.  And Erika sent me a text that I'd be ok, I just needed to keep going.  I wiped my tears and finished the 56 mile ride.  I was angry when I got back to my car.  Instead of focusing on the fact that I just rode 56 miles, I focused on the fact that it was slower and harder than I thought it should have been.  I was thinking about all the people who are faster than I am, all the people who can ride farther (without crying).  At a time when I should have been proud of myself for sticking it out and finishing my ride, all I saw was the bad.  I had to ride past my car twice on this ride.  I could have stopped.  Given up. But I didn't.  I finished, even though it sucked.  That's something to be proud of.

I'm going to start being proud of my accomplishments.  I need to stop comparing myself to others, and stop looking at what I haven't done.  I'm going to focus on the good.  Focus on how far I've come.

20 days!!!!

I have 20 days until race day.  I've gotten back on track since Little Dude's surgery.  I missed a couple workouts last week, but got myself back together towards the end of the week.  I had my toughest training weekend yet.  I did a 56 mile bike Saturday and an 11 mile run Sunday.  

The bike was tough.  My nutrition is clearly lacking.  I'm not hungry in the beginning of my rides, so I don't eat.  By the time I start eating, it's too late to catch up.  This is going to be an issue when I have a 13 mile run after the bike.  I have a couple more long rides to figure it out.  

My run felt really good, all things considered. It took 3-4 miles to warm up. After that I felt great.

My body is exhausted and I'm always hungry (except on my bike).  I guess this is to be expected.  Things at home are falling apart.  I sent the kids to school in less than clean clothes this morning, and I have no idea what I put in their lunch boxes.  Thankfully no one is complaining (Or I'm just too tired to hear).  I have one more tough week of training, then it's taper time.  A lot of people have a hard time with tapering.  Not me.  I'm a huge fan. 

I'm going to take today and try to get things ready for the week.  At least do a load of laundry and buy some bread and peanut butter.

Doubt, Fear, Commitment

Thirty one days till Boise and I haven't done anything since Sunday.  My hamstrings and inner thighs feel like the are big knots.  I'm afraid to train and get injured, and I'm afraid not to train and be unprepared.  I feel like a failure.  Like a fraud.  Like the good weeks I've had aren't real. I don't want to do anything.

I'm sure some of this is coming from exhaustion.  I haven't slept well the last few nights. I was up every 2-3 hours last night, giving Little Dude his pain meds.  Pnut is hell bent on making me feel horrible, because I'm paying so much attention to Little Dude.  Brian's not feeling well.  Things are falling apart this week, and I'm not feeling strong enough to deal with it.

I know this is just a down moment.  We all have them.  Feelings of doubt are normal.  Exhaustion is normal.  Being uncomfortable is normal.  Trying to somehow use a foam roller on your inner thigh is normal (isn't it?).

In the end, I'll suck it up and deal with it, because I'm committed.   Right?

5 Weeks to go-Nothing Left

I had to count that a couple of times.  How can it only be 5 weeks away?!?!  34 days, to be exact.  CRAZY!

Last night, after I put Pnut and Little Dude to bed, I grabbed a glass of wine and my book, and I climbed in bed myself.  I was completely exhausted.  I had nothing left.  It was an amazing feeling. The feeling that I had given everything I had to the week.

I gave my 100%, and it felt great.  

Here are the numbers:

Swam-4100 yards

Biked- 64 miles

Ran- 15 miles

A couple weeks ago, I was telling Erika that I was afraid of the pain of training.  She told me to embrace the pain and get comfortable being uncomfortable.  It sounds crazy, but I got it this week. I knew a 9 mile run, the day after a 43 mile bike (with almost no sleep) was going to hurt.  I made myself ok with the hurt.  I'm hoping that will continue for the next 34 days.  

This week is a pretty bike heavy week. Little Dude is getting his tonsils out tomorrow, so I will more than likely be limited to the trainer.  I will do what I can, but won't beat myself up about missed workouts.  There are more important things to take care of this week.

April

I was planning on having a little April recap, but I honestly can't remember what happened.

I'm pretty sure Brian and I had date night and we had a family adventure.  Almost certain I didn't drink enough water or eat enough veggies.  Sunday dinners are a bust.  Routines are non-existent.  That binder of recipes I was planning to make....I'm not sure I need a recipe binder when I don't cook.

Here's what my goals should have been for this year:

• Keep kids alive
• Train 

So, for May, those are my goals.  

It's going to be tough.  Little Dude is having his tonsils removed next week, and Brian is going out of town at the end of the month.  I'm going to have to get creative.  But I WILL get in ALL of my workouts.  I have promised myself that I will do everything I can, to be as ready as I can be.

I should add, I'm terrified of this months training schedule.  Mostly of riding for so long, by myself.  I miss my training partners terribly. 

That said, time to get to it!  Next stop, Boise!! 

Finding What's Inside

I've always loved this picture.  I dream of the day I lose all doubt and find what's inside.  I'm guessing this is an ongoing process.

Last weekend, I lost some doubt and got a glimpse of what's inside.  I had a "mini" tri test. It was a 1500 yd swim, 28 mile bike, and 6.2 mile run.  This was my first time outside on my bike since last summer.  I was REALLY nervous.  I was also really nervous about running a 10k after the bike.  I realize this is how a triathlon works, but I was still nervous.

The swim was uneventful.  Felt good.

The bike was pretty uneventful too.  It was cold.  I should have brought gloves and wish I had shoe covers.  I rode 28 miles in 1:40.  It was around 16.8 mph.  I felt like I could have gone faster, but I'm still trying to figure out how hard to push on the bike.  I'm always worried about not having enough left for the run.

I got off my bike and headed out for a run. My feet were numb which made running hard. It felt like I had something in my shoes.  It was really uncomfortable.  It took about a mile and a half for the feeling to come back.

Other than the numb feet, I felt great.  It felt like an easy run.  I checked my watch at the half way point and I was in shock.  I was expecting around a 10 min mile.  This is what I saw:

I was pretty certain this pace would go down, a lot, on the way back.  Mostly because I'm not a fast runner.  I've always been more of a jogger.  In the back of my mind I REALLY wanted to keep it up.  Then part of my brain would say  "But you can't.  You're not fast.  You have no business running this fast.  You can't keep it up."   It was almost like I was scared to try.  Like I'm not supposed to be that person.  In my head, I am a 10min/mile runner, and that's what I will always be.

But this run was changing that.  It was exciting but unnerving.  It sounds strange to even say.  Who gets upset about getting better?  Not that I was upset, but it made me a little uncomfortable.  I kept expecting someone to stop me and say "Um, no, this isn't your pace.  You are going to need to slow down and stick with who you are." Is that insane?  

When I finished, I saw this:

I'm hoping over the next 44 days, I will lose more doubt and find more of what's inside.

Today I ran

Today I ran 

For a city I've never been to, and a race I could never even hope to run.

To sweat out the sadness, anger, and confusion.

For all the moms and dads who run for sanity, health, pride, strength and to be role models to their children.

For all the people who have lined up at a starting line.

For all the people who had the discipline to train, no matter what the distance.

For a man I never met, and his family, who were changed forever by this tragedy. 

To be a part of something bigger.

To thank all my loved ones, who have waited for me at many finish lines.

Because I didn't know what else to do.

Priorities

I think when you are busiest, your priorities become very clear.  Today is a crazy busy day for me.  From this busy day, I have determined my top 3 priorities.

1. Food-I ate all day.
2. Training- I squeezed in an hour bike and 4.5 mile run this morning.
3. Family- Getting the kids back and forth from school. Taking Little Dude to speech.  Taking Pnut to basketball. Making sure everyone has dinner ready when we get home tonight. (It all comes back to food).  Sometimes remembering to get Brian's dry cleaning :)

Things that are not priorities.

1. Laundry-I'm pretty sure all our clothes are dirty.
2. Dishes-There might not be any clean.  They are all in the sink.
3. Showering-I was too busy training and eating. No time to shower.  

So for the next 9ish weeks, I'm saying no (smilingly, pleasantly, and nonapologetically) to things that are not priorities.  Hopefully things will not fall apart.

9 weeks to go

Things are getting real this month!!

I actually registered for my race!!  To be completely honest, I'm terrified.  Seriously.  Terrified.  Everything seems very real now.

My April training schedule is by far the toughest yet.  I guess that's to be expected, but it's freaking me out a little bit.  I'm trying just to focus on each day, and not get carried away looking at the whole month.  But I'm already stressed about an 8 mile run on Sunday.  It will be my longest in a long time.  I should mention, the day before the 8 mile run is a 2.5 hour bike.  So my legs should be feeling great.

It's crazy  how my mind works.  I know I can do both of those things, but for some reason I'm scared.   What is that about?  I'm not going to die from running 8 miles.

On top of being a wuss about my training schedule, I've had a serious lack of motivation when it comes to swimming.  Thankfully I sucked it up today and had a good swim.  Maybe that will be the momentum I need.

Here's what the last 2 weeks looked like.  I think I missed posting last week.  I know you have all been wondering.


March 25-31

Swam-2000 yards
Biked-58.5 miles
Ran-8 miles.

April 1- 7

Swam-ZERO (I wasn't lying about my lack of motivation)
Biked-84
Ran-14

So close to 100 miles.  If only I had gotten my butt to the pool a couple times.  Oh well, time to move on.

I have decided this is going to be my motivation when I don't feel like training:

I'll let you know if it helps :)

April already?!?!

Where did March go????  I can't believe it's already April.  INSANE.

March was a pretty good month.  Here's how I did with my goals:

• Date night once a month-We had at least 2 date nights this month.  
• Family adventure once a month-Awesome hike.
• Daily routine for the kids-We started doing chores for TV time.  This has helped with their schedule.  They have morning, afternoon and evening chores.  It has been great so far.
• Daily routine for me-Still very much a work in progress.
• 30 min of quality time with the kids-The chore/TV thing has limited the amount of TV they are watching, which gives us more time together.  
• Create recipe binder-Starting to think this is a pipe dream.
• Plan and prep meals for the week-I planned meals, but I didn't stick to the plan.
• Make Boise my best race yet-The last 2 weeks of March my training was awesome.  
• Enjoy a half marathon-Still nothing on the horizon. 
• Stretching and strength training ever week-I've been doing Bikram yoga.  Although not as much as I should.
• Eat 3-5 servings of vegetables a day- I'm stinking at this.
• Drink 64 oz of water a day.  I honestly forgot this was even a goal.  I'm closer to 64oz of wine than water :)

I'm already getting nervous about training in April.  Little Dude and Pnut have different Spring Breaks.  So that's two weeks where I'm going to have a little person for the whole day.  It's going to be tricky.

Reality

Yesterday I was struck by the reality of training. Last week I was so happy to get all my training sessions in.  This week I'm on track to get them all in too.  So, what's the problem?

My house looks like this.

Thank you Google, for not making me take a picture of my own kitchen.

I got my April schedule yesterday.  It's going to be a busy month.  How am I going to do everything?!?

11 Weeks to go

I FINALLY had a complete week of training!!!!  I did not skip one training session.  I did not cut one short.  I am thrilled.

Here's what it looked like:

Swam: 3800 yards
Biked: 61 miles
Ran: 9 miles

I'm hoping I can keep it up for the next 11 weeks.  I need to find a way to get at least 1 day of yoga in each week. I really think that is going to keep me injury free.  I couldn't fit it in this week, and my hips are killing me.

I just thought this was funny

12 Weeks To Go

I have a little less that 12 weeks till Boise.  My training the last couple weeks has been pretty good. Last week I missed a swim, and the swim workout I did was 800 yds short.  I really would have done the whole thing, but the pool was so crowded. I was in a lane with 2 nice ladies.  They said I was a dolphin swimming with 2 turtles :)  Very sweet, but still a painful swim.

Here's what the numbers were:

Swim-1000 yds (2600 less than scheduled. ouch)
Bike-47 miles
Run-9 miles
I also made it to yoga once :)

I'm feeling great on my bike and my runs are getting easier, and faster.  If I can build up my run miles without injuring myself, I'll be set.  I'm crossing my fingers yoga will help with this.

Next weeks schedule doesn't look too bad.  Things seem to ramp up the following week, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.

Things are great on the home front too.  I've been able to keep my house clean for over a week.  Those of you who know me, know this is a huge accomplishment.  Not only am I feeling better about the whole Staph thing, I feel so much calmer in a clean, uncluttered house.  I also feel like I have more time to enjoy Pnut and Little Dude, because I'm not stressed about what house work I should be doing.  It's a wonderful feeling.

On the subject of Pnut and Little Dude, we starting giving them an allowance this weekend.  It was so much fun.  They loved putting money in their jars.  They loved spending it even more.  I guess that's to be expected.

We also implemented a chore for TV time system.  I'm hoping this cuts down on me nagging them to do their chores.  It will also limit their TV time, which is much needed.

Here are a couple pictures from our hike this weekend.

Pnut was terrified to climb up there.

So proud of herself that she didn't let her fear keep her from doing something fun.

Perfect

This is so true.  At least for me.  For the last year or so (maybe forever), I've been plagued by what I think my life is supposed to look like. Remember this post?  That was a year ago.  I'm still having the same issues.

A few weeks ago I sent my mom a text that said something like "Please come help me!  I'm falling apart".  I should add, I live in Seattle and my mom lives in south Florida.  It's not like I asked her to drive 30 minutes.  I asked for a lot.  And in true mom fashion, she came through.   She helped me get my house clean (and hopefully staph free), she took the kids to school and picked them up, she did laundry, she drank wine with me, she did dishes....

I can't explain what a huge help it was.

She left early this morning.  When I woke up, and she was gone, I felt a little knot in my stomach.  It could have been all the wine we drank last night, but I think it was just sadness and worry.  Were things going to fall apart without my mom here to help me?  The realization that it is just us here; Our little family of 4, so far away from everyone.

Then something kind of strange happened. Pnut came downstairs asking for breakfast (this is not strange).  Somehow we had nothing for breakfast.  No eggs, no pancakes, no oatmeal.  Nothing.  Here's the strange part.  I told the kids to get dressed and we hit the Panara drive thru.   I knew they were going to eat stuff I didn't want them to eat.  I knew they were going to be late for school.  I knew there would be butter and crumbs in the car.  But I wasn't stressed out about any of it.  I didn't beat myself up that they were eating junk for breakfast.  I was ok being late for school.  A couple weeks ago, I'm not sure if that would have been the case.  I think I would have been freaking out.  I would have been yelling at the kids because they wouldn't eat chicken and mashed potatoes for breakfast.  And in turn, they would be yelling and crying.  It would have turned into a disaster.

It was a really nice feeling.  It was peaceful and stress free.  I was calm and content.

I need to give up the picture in my head of what my life should be.  It is not going to be perfect.  I will never be happy if my expectation is perfection.  I just need to be the best me that I can be.

Hello, March

I decided not to do a recap of February.  It was pretty lame.  I don't want to rehash all of it.

Thankfully it is March now, and it has started out to be a great month.

Yesterday was pretty much as good as a day could be.  It was a beautiful sunny day and Pnut said we should go for a hike.  It was a great idea.  We packed up and headed to the ferry.  The ferry took us to Whidbey Island where we hiked this trail.  It was BEAUTIFUL!

We planned to go for a couple miles, but once we got there, we couldn't stop.  The views were amazing and the kids were having a great time.  We climbed to the top of bluff (the trail guide said it's a bluff.  I would have called it a cliff).  Pnut got to the top first and was very proud of herself.

Once we all made it up we stopped for a rest and a snack.

And did some tai chi?

The next couple miles were a little scary.  The trail guide says some parts of the trail are 270 above the water.  I was terrified Little Dude was going to fall over the side, so I held onto his hood for most of the hike.

It doesn't look too bad in the picture, but it was steep

While we were up there, we saw a bald eagle.  It was so close to us.  It was crazy.  Here's a picture.  I was so in awe of it, plus trying to make sure Little Dude didn't take a header off the bluff, so I didn't get the pest picture. But it was super cool.

It's in the middle, right above the trees

Because walking on the cliff bluff wasn't scary enough, Brian found this tree and insisted on standing on it.  

I need to make sure his life insurance policy is up to date before we go on another hike.

Then of course the kids wanted to play on it.

After we walked across the bluff, we headed down to the beach.  

Beaches here are rocky

About this time, Little Dude was done.  His poor little legs were exhausted and we had about a mile and a half left to go.  Brian and I held him for awhile and he was ready to run again.  It was awesome.    About 100 yards from the car this happened.

I call that a successful hike.  It only took 5.6 miles and about 4 hours to exhaust them.

Here's to an awesome month!!