I Had Goals?

Apparently I had some goals for 2014.  Here's how I did:

2014 goals

Family Goals-(If you read last years goals, these are basically the same.)

• Have at least one family adventure a month. (This was so much fun!) I'm fairly certain this was a fail.  
• Have date night once a month.  I don't think this happened either.
• Help kids become more independent. Work in progress.  Penelope did make breakfast this morning.
• Have family dinner every Sunday. I might have been drunk when I wrote these.
• Create recipe binder. I bought a binder
• Plan and prep meals for the week on Sunday.  Seriously? 

Personal Goals

• Find out what foods are not helping my body and eliminate them from my diet.(unless it's wine.  Then I'll suffer.)  I have a good idea what foods bother me.  Not eating them is something else all together. 
• Continue my strength/stretching from PT. This would have been good.
• Go to yoga once a week. I talked about going to yoga a lot.
• Finish Boise in 6:30.  Last years finish was 7:16. I love how optimistic I was.  I finished in 7:12, I think.  Still better than 2013!!
• Run and finish my first marathon with a smile.  I finished!  I believe there were tears and a look of constipation, but I FINISHED.
• Finish in the top 10 at Iron Girl Seattle. This might be tough, considering it will be in the middle of marathon training.  Uh....I didn't even do this race.

Here's to a more realistic 2015!

Perfection

Recently I've read a lot of books and gone to a few lectures about raising gifted kids.  While there are many characteristics common in this population, these characteristics are not unique to these kids.  The one I've been most focused on is "perfectionism".  If you saw Pnut's work or her room, you would not jump to the conclusion that she's a perfectionist.  She does not have straight A's (although they aren't A's anymore, are they?), her room is not spotless (or even kind of clean), her hair is rarely brushed, and she has no problem pulling clothes out of the dirty clothes hamper to wear.  She doesn't scream perfectionist.  From these lectures and reading, I've learned not all perfectionists look "perfect".  Pnut feels like if she can't be 100% certain she will succeed, she doesn't try.  If you don't give it your all, you won't lose anything if you fail.

This morning she wouldn't eat breakfast.  She knows if she doesn't eat, she can't go to gymnastics.  After an hour or so of yelling, crying and threatening, it came out that she didn't want to go to gymnastics.  She said "It's getting too long and too hard."  She wants to quit because it's getting hard and she's not the best.  When her coach says "Keep your legs straight." she hears "You're not good enough."

This took me back to 8th grade.  We had moved from Atlanta to Baltimore.  I had been on a swim team in Atlanta for around 5 years.  It was a well known team who produced Olympians.  I loved it.  When I found out I was moving my coach suggested a team in Baltimore.  I went and tried out.  I was told what team I would be on and when practices were.  Twice a day for two hours.  I freaked out.  I wasn't good enough to do that.  They thought I was good just because of the team I came from.  These practices would be too hard.  I wouldn't be good enough.  They would find out I was a fraud.  I told my parents I didn't want to do it. I gave up because I was scared.

This kind of thinking is still with me.  I'm afraid to give my all during training.  If I do every training session, and give it my all, and still don't do well at a race, I really will be a failure.  If I have some doubt in the back of my mind, like my training could have been better, than I give myself an excuse for not doing as well as I think I could.

I am working on this, but it's not easy.  I feel like it should be easy.  I know I'm doing it, so I should just stop.

As a parent, I find it hard to know when to push my kids.  I don't want them to give up because things are uncomfortable.  I also don't want to be that crazy mom who is pushing when her kids aren't enjoying it.  This morning I told Pnut she was going to gymnastics because it's something she enjoys and I'm not letting her give up because she's scared or uncomfortable.  I hope it's the right decision. I will try to teach her to strive for excellence, not perfection.

Portland Marathon Recap

I'm not sure where to even start. I had to wait a couple days before writing my thoughts down or it would have been a whole lot of "That was the worst thing I've ever done." "Running sucks" "I suck"...

I'm feeling a little better about it now, but I still don't really feel like rehashing it.  Bottom line, it was a rough day for me.

Here's how the weekend went-

The day before:
After a long drive to Portland, we checked into the hotel and headed to the expo.  I was able to get my bib and a shirt but that's about it.  Pnut and Little Dude were INSANE.  I said hello to Lindsay and Julie then went back to the hotel.  Note to self-NEVER take the kids to the expo.

Don't they look thrilled?

I met Lindsay and her family for dinner.  I had chicken and rice, and a glass of wine.  It was nice to hang out and relax a little.

We went back to the hotel and I was asleep by 8:00.  I think I got the best sleep I've ever had the night before a race.

Race day:
Since I fell asleep at 8:00, I was up pretty early.  Unfortunately the kids were also up early.  I was trying to get ready while trying to get the hotel wifi to work on the ipad so Little Dude could play a game, and trying to get Pnut some breakfast.  None of this was easy at 4:30am, but I got dressed, and the kids were happy.  I headed out to meet Lindsay, Kerry, Julie and Megan.

Once I found everyone we headed to our corrals.  Julie and I were in the same one, which was nice.  We hung out, hit the porta-potty, and took a bunch of pictures.

I felt totally ready. I was excited and confident.  Brian sent me a text letting me know where he and the kids were.  It was awesome to see them!!

I think I was blowing them a kiss

Julie and I ran together for awhile.

I was feeling good and ran ahead for a bit, then she would catch up, then I'd run ahead....This happened a few times.  Around mile 7 (I think) I had this horrible idea to try and catch the 5:00 pace group.  This was also the time that it was getting really hot and sunny, and there was no shade.  Did I mention I didn't run with a water bottle?  I didn't, and I was thirsty.  I'm sure the aid stations were not that far apart, but at mile 9, I thought they were 10 miles apart.  Around this time Julie caught up with me.  We chatted for a couple minutes and that was the last time I saw her.  (ps-she did awesome!!)

I finally got to the next aid station and thought I could get myself together.  I was only 9-10 miles in. I knew there was time for me to pull myself together and still have a good race. I stopped, tried to pee, got some water, electrolytes, and pretzels.  I took my time and thought that I was ok.  I ran around the corner and saw Brian and the kids again.  I got some hugs, and picked up a rock for Little Dude that was on the course. I felt like that was the boost I needed.

I was wrong.  About 1/4 mile from there I fell apart again.  I was so thirsty.  Around mile 13 I sent Erika a text that I was fading.  You know things aren't going as planned when you're sending texts during a race.  From here on, things were just painful.  I started getting stomach and leg cramps.  My mouth was so dry I couldn't swallow.  I had a headache.  I ran occasionally but I mostly walked.

Trying to keep it together for the camera

That picture was around mile 20.  I was done.  Right before this picture was taken, I was going to call Brian and tell him I quit.  The only reason I didn't was because I was too emotional to even talk.  I worried he would answer and I would just start crying.

At mile 24 I started to wonder if I was going to die.  I seriously thought I might die.  I was dizzy and so crampy.  But 2 miles from the finish....what are you going to do?  Who quits that close to the finish?  So I kept going.  I forced myself to run the last 1/2 mile.  I saw Megan and her family.  It was awesome.  I knew the finish was so close.  Then I saw Brian and the kids.  Lindsay and Kerry were with them.  I remember seeing Lindsay but I was so out of it, I didn't see Kerry.  I remember giving Brian a hug and just crying.  Someone said "Go!  You have to keep running."  So I took off to the finish line.

Crossing the finish line was a little anti-climactic.  I felt like my finish like was seeing my family.  I knew then I had made it.  I got my medal and ate some Cheetos.  I can't remember the last time I had Cheetos, but they were good.  I don't have a picture with the medal because I couldn't put it on.  I didn't want anything touching me.

We walked back to the hotel.  I took an ice bath, took a nap, had some dinner and passed out.

The next morning we had donuts!

This Time Next Week!!

If all goes well, this time next week I will be laying in bed with my feet up after finishing the Portland Marathon.  I'm not going to lie, the last 2 weeks have been rough.  They have had me wondering if I'm going to be able to cross the finish line.  I had a calf injury.  A pull or strain or something.  I hurt my calf.  It's still tight and balls up when I run.  I also have these ridiculous knots in my butt and hip, and my lower back is tight.(Seriously, do you feel like you're listening to your grandmother talk about all her ailments?)   I've been told it's due to a tight or "sticky" psoas.  To top it off, I'm not sleeping because my lovely children, and dogs aren't sleeping.  Oh yeah, I also started taking some medication a couple months ago that decreases my appetite.  Normally I'd be thrilled to not be hungry, but it makes it hard to train for a marathon when you're not eating.

Enough of whining.  Thankfully my friend Julie, who is running Portland, posted a blog about her "taper maddens" this morning.  You can read it here.  It's very funny.  It also made me feel better about the crazy place my mind is right now.  Like maybe I'm just a little crazy right now and I actually will be able to run 26.2 miles next week.

I've decided to do whatever I can to get to the starting line, and the finish line, and enjoy the miles in between.  I spent today preparing for the week ahead.  I made food so it will be easier to make myself eat. I did all the laundry.  I cleaned the kitchen.  I made sure the kids have everything they need for school.  I want this week to be nothing but Operation Get Ready for Portland.  I'm getting ART (active release technique) tomorrow and Wednesday. Then going back Friday to get my calf taped up.  I'm going to take naps when I can and just rest as much as possible.  I'm going to try to get to yoga at least 3 times. I'm going to think happy thoughts, do daily affirmations, meditate, make a sacrifice to the marathon Gods.....whatever I need to do.

72 Days

I have 72 days until my first marathon!  10ish weeks.  72 days sounds better than 10 weeks.  10 weeks is WAY too soon.  72 days is far enough away.

This week I FINALLY feel like my training is coming together.  I've been able to get in my workouts and feel good most of the time.  I'm still trying to figure out what to eat during my runs.  Everything seems to upset my stomach.  I've got some time (72 whole days) to figure it out.

I had a 7 mile run a couple days ago.  I was dreading it.  It was pouring and cold.  7 miles is a difficult distance for me.  I'm not sure how to run it.  It's not a "long" run, but it's not short either.  I forced myself to go and it was the best run I've had in a long time.  A run that just clears your mind and makes you feel good. A run that reminds you why you run.

I realize in the next 72 days, I will have crappy runs.  I will have runs that make me wonder why I'm doing this.  There might be tears.  But I know there will also be amazing runs.  Runs with friends and runs with only my own thoughts (and Ke$ha on my ipod).  I'm looking forward to my 4 miles tomorrow and 13 with Julie Saturday.

Do Less

I am overwhelmed with summer.  There is so much I want to do, need to do, think I need to do...

What I really need to do, is step back and think about what I HAVE to do.  I'm at a point where I need to go back to basics.  I have to get out of bed, feed the kids, do enough laundry that Brian can go to work without looking like a hobo.  Amazon is pretty relaxed as far as dress codes go, but clean is probably important.  I have to help Pnut deal with whatever is going on in her brain right now.  I have to help Little Dude deal with the intense emotions of an almost 5 year old.

At this moment, I just need to focus on those things and nothing else. True, I have a marathon in 95 days.  I have family coming to visit in a week or so. If I don't train enough to run the race, it's not the end of the world.  If my house is a mess, my mom will deal (it won't come as a big shock to her either).  I have to lower my expectations of myself.  At least until I get through this funk I have plunged into.

I can't continue to beat myself up over dirty dishes, or unhealthy snacks the kids eat, or pancakes for dinner, or dog hair on the floor.

I'm reading a book about helping your child deal with anxiety.  It talks about how sometimes the world is too big and sometimes it's too small.  I need to make my world smaller for the moment.  I really do want to train for the Portland Marathon, and I really do want my house to be clean for my mom, but I don't want to beat myself up about missing runs and dirty floors.

Here's my plan for the rest of the day:

• make the kids a snack before swimming
• get kids to swimming
• cheer for them when I really want to say "what the hell are you doing?"
• make a relatively healthy dinner (that only I will end up eating)
• don't get insanely angry when no one eats dinner
• shower
• pray the kids sleep through the night
• go to sleep

That's honestly all I can do in the next 7 hours.  

5 Mile Lake Sprint Race Recap

I signed up for 5 mile lake triathlon about a week after I finished Boise.  My thought was, I'd be rested enough, yet still have all the training from Boise.  I secretly hoped I could get a top 3 finish.  It is a small, local race, so I figured I had a chance.

Pre-race- I woke up at 4:45.  It was cold and I seriously thought about just staying in bed.  I made myself get up, had some coffee, got dressed, and made a peanut butter sandwich. I got all my stuff together and headed out.  The park is about an hour from my house, and I had to get their early enough to pick up my race packet.  I arrived around 6:30.  As I pulled in, the rain started.  I sat in my car for awhile and did some people watching.  EVERYONE I saw had a tri bike.  There were disk wheels and aero helmets. It seemed so crazy. This is a little, local race.  Why was everyone so professional looking?  I tried to put it out of my mind and just concentrate on my race.  I got my stuff ready in the transition area and went down to listen to the race talk.  I had no clue about the course, so I figured I should attend.  The announcer welcomed us all and mentioned this race was the Pacific Northwest Sprint Triathlon Championship! That explained all the super fit athletes.

Swim 7:58 - The water was around 67 degrees so I wore a wetsuit.  It's a short swim (.25 miles) so I thought about going without it. As soon as I got in the lake, I was glad I wore it.  The swim was pretty uneventful.  I got kicked a few time, but I felt good for the most part.

T1-2:05- It was pouring and I was freezing.  I thought about putting on a long-sleeve shirt, but no one else was wearing one, so I decided against it.  I put on my sunglasses and they fogged up, so I decided not to wear them.

Bike 49:30- I really wanted to do this in 45 minutes.  I could have, but I was so afraid of crashing in the rain, I took it easy on all the turns and probably went slower than I needed to.  The course wasn't closed to traffic.  Between that and the rain, I was kind of a wuss.

T2-1:10-Almost fell running with my bike into T2.  After that I decided to walk.  I changed shoes, put on my racebelt and visor, and headed out.

Run 25:46-I am SUPER happy with my run!!! I felt really good. I passed a couple people, a couple people passed me, but I felt strong the whole time.  This might have been my fastest 5k EVER!

My goal (aside from finishing in the top 3) was to be under 1:30.  My official time was 1:26:29!

I'm happy with it.

Plans

I'm the queen of making plans.  Not plans like "Hey, let's go out tonight.", plans like "I'm going to make sure the kids do enough school work over the summer so they will be ahead next fall."  Or " I'm going to make a detailed marathon training plan that includes yoga, weights and Pilates."

Those are both good plans, and still (some of) my goals for the summer, but things keep getting in my way. Like the chaos I'm living in.  Chaos never used to bother me, now it consumes me.  My brain can't work in chaos.  For some reason I can't think of running 3 miles when there is a laundry mountain on the kitchen table and papers covering the counter tops.

So, I've come up with a plan!  That's right.  Another plan to be able to implement the original plans.  Here it is.....Between now and Sunday when I go to sleep I need to:

• Figure out the kids summer "school" plans
• Clean the house
• De-clutter the house
• Make sure the kids have everything they need for camp (sunscreen, hats, beach shoes...)
• Get curtain rods for the kid's rooms (random, I know, but I have curtains and no rods and it's driving me batty)

That's a tall order to complete in 4 days but totally do-able.  Starting Monday I'm back on track!  I'll have a little less than 100 days to get ready for Portland.  Plenty of time (I've been told).

 It has been a difficult/emotional start to summer break.  I need these days to get myself together.  Then I'll be ready to tackle marathon training AND all the amazing summer adventures we plan on having.

Slow Start

Last week was technically my first week of marathon training.  It was also the kid's first week out of school. Those 2 things didn't really work well together.  I got in a few runs, but didn't stick to my schedule.  What are you going to do?

We did get to do cool summer things, like go on an awesome hike and a ferry ride.

I'm planning on getting back on track this week.  Today is the first day of summer camp. WAHOOO!!!  I'm spending the day cleaning my house.  Tomorrow I'll get back on the training wagon.  I've got 15 weeks.  Plenty of time, right??

I have a sprint tri this weekend, so that's exciting.  I have no idea what to expect.  I haven't been on my bike in a couple weeks. I'm hoping my Boise training will get me through.

Happy Summer!!!!!

Week 1-Marathon Training

Today starts week 1 of my marathon training.  Best part about it....today is a rest day :)  My kind of training plan.

Here's how the week looks:

Monday-rest
Tuesday-3 mile run/weights
Wednesday-5 mile race pace
Thursday-3 mile run/weights
Friday-swim/bike
Saturday-6 mile run
Sunday-swim/bike

It seems doable.  Although I have no idea what my marathon pace is...

My Next Challenge

I'm putting Boise behind me and moving on.  It's been a rough few days but the time has come to get.over.it.

What's next??  The Portland Marathon!!!  My first full marathon.  I'm super excited and super nervous.  I am injury prone so training for a full marathon is a little sketchy.   I've downloaded Hal Higdon's Novice 2 program (Has anyone used it?).  It looks like it will work for me.  Only 4 days of running each week.  I'm going to stick in some strength training, yoga and Pilates.  That should get me through the next 16(ish) weeks ready to go and uninjured.

Training starts Monday!

Please feel free to send my some marathon training advice!!

Boise 70.3 2014

I went back to Boise this year to redeem myself after last year.  Things did not go exactly as planned.  Here are all the race details.  I'm going to do some reflecting on what happened and try to figure out what went wrong and what I could have done differently.  I feel like my training was pretty solid and I was uninjured the whole time.  This should have been my year.  It didn't work out that way, and it's a hard pill to swallow.

Pre-Race

The  race starts at noon so I didn't have to wake up super early.  I got up around 7, had some coffee and a yogurt, then headed to Shannon and Virginia's hotel.  I had some oatmeal when I got there.  We walked over to put our bags at T2 and waited for the shuttle.  We got up to T1 around 11, I think.  Shannon and I got our bikes set up and went down to the reservoir to wait.  It was a warm day, but no where near as bad as last year.

Swim

I'm not sure I've ever had a swim that was this slow.  I didn't position myself in the right spot.  I was about 3 rows back when the horn went off. I thought I would be able to get around people but it never happened. A bunch of people were going inside the buoys. I stopped and asked which side we should be on and someone in a kayak said we needed to go outside.  It would have been faster to go inside and get around people, but I didn't want to get disqualified 10 minutes into the race.  But I don't really think they DQ'd anyone for that. So I spent the whole swim in a crowd. I new things were bad when the group behind us started swimming up.  I got out of the water a little upset, but I knew the swim isn't a huge part of the race.  I still had hours and hours to make up time.  

2014 swim- 42:05

2013 swim- 40:43

T1

Again, the wetsuit strippers are amazing.  This guy got my wetsuit off in like 2 seconds.  I waked to T1 feeling a little pukey from the swim, but not too bad.  I took my time getting my stuff on, ate a ginger mint and was on my way.  I saw Virginia on my way out.  That was fun.

2014 T1-5:45

2013 T1 7:07

Bike

I was looking forward to having a better bike.  I felt like I was faster this year and I knew more of what to expect.  For the most part it was better.  There were far fewer tears than last year.  I saw my cousin and his family around mile 12.  That was a wonderful surprise.

Shannon caught up to me a little after mile 18.  We talked about how it was windy, but not too bad.  I guess we jinxed things.  From about mile 20 on the wind picked up.  I was still feeling so much better than last year.  I knew I was going to crush my time.  About mile 40 the headwinds really picked up.  It was kind of defeating to be that close to the finish and have to work so hard to keep my pace up.    My time wasn't as fast as I had hoped for but I finished feeling SO much better than last year.  I was ready for an awesome run.

2014 bike- 3:36.27

2013 bike-3:43:16

T2

Pretty uneventful.  I saw Shannon headed out for her run as I was pulling in.  It's always nice to see people you know.  A lady almost stepped on my hand with her bike shoes. That would have sucked.  I got my stuff on, had some wonderful volunteers put some sunscreen on me, and took off. 

2014 T2- 5:01

2013 T2- 4:39

Run

I was ready for a great run.  I'd really been feeling strong on my training runs.  I'd done a ton of speed work and knew I was faster.  I was sure there was no way I could make my race goal time of 6:30.  That was unrealistic to begin with. But I was certain this run would be way faster than last year.  Last year I was dead after the bike. I had no energy and it was a billion degrees. This year I felt pretty good after the bike and it was cloudy.  Perfect.  I made it .5 miles before I knew I was in trouble.  I thought I was going to throw up.  My stomach was a mess.  I tried some flat coke at the first aid station but that didn't help. I tried a potato chip, pretzel, orange....nothing helped. I decided not to eat anything for awhile, that didn't help.  I walked until I felt ok, then I'd run until I felt sick.  It sucked.  I was so disappointed.  I finally told myself the only thing left was to try to beat last years time.  A time I thought I would crush.  It took all I had to beat it.  I crossed the finish line defeated.  I'm sure the look on my face was awful.  I should have been happy just to finish.  I wish I would have been.  At least to enjoy that moment.  

2014 run-2:43:31 

2013 run-2:40:23  

2013 race time-7:16:08

2014 race time-7:12:49

I'm feeling better about things now.  Still disappointed with the day, but I finished when I wanted to quit. That counts for something.  I'm going to re-group and see if I can figure out what went wrong.  I've got the Portland Marathon to look forward to, as well as some sprints over the summer.  I might try to get in another half next month.  Need to see if my body (and my family) is up for it.

This is it!

Tomorrow I head for Boise!  I'm super excited, and nervous.  I know I'm ready, but still feel unprepared.  Maybe it's because I'm not packed, I don't know how to take my bike apart, and I'm unsure how I'm getting to the airport.  Or maybe it's because I haven't done any exercise in at least 5 days.  Either way, I'm headed to the airport, bright and early tomorrow.  Ready or not.

These past few weeks have kind of put my race in perspective.  Pnut hasn't slept through the night in 2 months.  That's not entirely true. There was one night, when I was in Atlanta.  Since she hasn't slept, I haven't slept.  This has caught up with me recently.  I'm exhausted.  To tired to workout.  Too tired to eat (except brownies).  Really even too tired to speak.  I'm not sure I've formed a complete sentence in the last week.

While I'm excited about the race, and want to do well, it's one small day (6 1/2 half hours if all goes well) in my life.  By the time I get home Sunday, it will be back to doctors, sleeping pills and just trying to make it through the day.  I know that's dramatic. One day I'll look back and realize it wasn't as nightmarish as I'm making it out to be.  But now, in the middle of it, there is nothing else.

That said...I'm going to take these few days and make the most of them.  I'm going to enjoy some "me" time. I'm going to race my heart out, knowing Brian is holding down the fort.  Knowing I'm well trained.  Knowing I can do this.

Here's to being awesome!!!  I'm number 578 if you want to track me!

2 Weeks Left!!

Two weeks from right now, I'll (hopefully) be on the run in Boise.  I'm finally starting to get excited.  I'm still nervous and wonder if I've done enough to prepare.  I try to look back at what I did last year and compare. I'm pretty sure I didn't feel totally prepared last year either.

I am confident I can finish the race.  I'm confident I can improve on last year.  Is there really anything else I need to do?  I have time goals in my head.  Goals that are probably pipe dreams, but goals none the less.

Here is what I'm hoping for.  Again, a little pie in the sky, but worth trying for.

Swim-38:00 (2 minutes faster than last year)
Bike-3:25:00 (18 minutes faster than last year)
Run-2:15:00 (25 minutes faster than last year)

That would get me around a 6:20:00 race.  I'd be SUPER happy with that.  Last year my nutrition (or lack of nutrition) killed me.  I feel like I'm on top of it this year.  I've learned my lesson after the bag of goo from last year.

This is what happens when you leave chocolate protein bars on your bike for a few hours.

Now that my super secret goals are out there for everyone to see, I'm reminded of this quote.  I'm thinking about taping it to my bike :)

Swim/Bike/Run for Fun

On Saturday I wrote this.  A little pity party I was having for myself.  Well, a couple days later and not much has changed.  Yesterday I was miserable.  I was in one of those moods where at any other time, a run (or bike or swim) would have made me feel better.  But I couldn't do it.  The things I used to go to for stress relief have become stressful.  They have become chores.

Tomorrow I have a 3.5 hour bike.  Most people (who like to bike) would be stoked if they could ride 3 hours on a Tuesday morning.  I should be stoked.  My friend Lindsay agreed to ride with me for part of it.  A bike ride with a friend should be exciting!  I shouldn't be dreading it.  But I am.  I'm worried about my tired legs.  I'm worried it will be cold.  Worried it will rain.....blah blah blah.

I know this is to be expected.  People get tired.  Training becomes a chore.  I'm going to try my best to change my attitude about this ride.  I'm going to focus on the good.

• I am able to ride my bike when most people are working.  
• I have the physical ability to ride my bike 3.5 hours.  
• I have a friend to ride with.  
• There is only a 30% chance of rain.  
• This is my last long ride until Boise.
• It's a chance for an adventure!

Panic and Doubt

Boise is 5 weeks from today.  At this very moment, I don't even want to race.  I'm so tired and emotionally drained.  This week and next week are my biggest training weeks.  I only have 2 more workouts this week, so really it's just one more week.  But I'm exhausted.  I don't know why I'm even doing this.  I want to curl up and cry.

Pnut hasn't slept in over 3 weeks.  Little Dude has been in my bed or needed me to sleep with him for what seems like forever.  Brian is crazy busy with work.  Why aren't I focusing on these things?  Why am I spending 12 hours a week doing things that leave me with nothing left for my family?  Why didn't I spend 3 and a half hours riding my bike instead of doing laundry or vacuuming the floors?  Maybe if I took a nap, I'd be able to deal with the kids up all night.

I realize I'm being a bit dramatic.  I know this is normal(ish).  Last May I wrote this post.  I guess this is just what happens 5 weeks out.  On the bright side, I'm not injured.  Laundry, dirty floors, and needy kids will still be here in June.  I've come this far.  I know I will keep going.

55 Miles

Here are a few reflections from my 55 mile ride today:

• Riding a bike is fun
• I love the sun
• Riding a bike in the sun increases the fun of biking
• I need new bike shorts
• If it's sunny, you should wear sunscreen 
• If it's a beautiful day, chances are you won't be alone on the trail
• Around mile 48, I wanted to punch people in the face (I was hot and tired and hungry)
• A lot of people roller blade
• I need new bike shorts
• I have met some great people out here (Lindsay who rode the last 25 miles with me (I didn't want to punch her in the face), and Jennifer who picked Little Dude up from school because my bike took longer than expected...to name a couple)
• Riding 55 miles in the sun will cause me to be useless for the rest of the day
• Did I mention I need new bike shorts?

Important Things

Sometimes I lose track of what's really important in my life.  This time of year I get so focused on my training schedule, I forget it shouldn't always be my top priority.  Sure, it's more important than laundry, making beds, doing dishes......but there are other things that should come before it.

I blew off my training yesterday and today, and I don't feel one bit guilty.  These two days have made it clear how, although training is important to me, there are many things that are more important.

Yesterday Brian had the day off.  I had a run and a swim on my training schedule.  I decided some alone time with Brian was more important that training.   We had a great day.  A lunch date and movies on the sofa.  I know, we're wild and crazy.

Today I had a run/swim (moved it over from yesterday).  Instead, I ran errands so I could donate food to a friend who is cooking for the rescue workers at the Oso mudslide.  Then I volunteered at Pnut's school.  I'm pretty certain both of those things are more important than training.

I could have done something after I got the kids from school, but we had pizza and game night.  Again, family time is more important than training.

I'll be back at it tomorrow, but for now, I'm going to pretend I'm Darth Vader and let Little Dude kill me with his light saber.

11 weeks to go

I haven't been writing much recently.  No time, no energy, nothing of any importance to write about.  Then this morning I realized I have 11 weeks until Boise.  I started thinking about how unprepared I'm feeling. Then I went back to my blog posts from last year.  It made me feel better knowing I had the same fears last year.  SO....I decided I'd start writing again.  Not because there is anything exciting to say, but so I will be able to look back next year.

Up until this week, my training has been pretty good. I've missed some days here and there, but overall I've been pretty consistent (compared to last year).  My swims have definitely been lacking.  I've started to do yoga and Pilates one a week and swimming has taken the hit.  I will get back into it soon....I hope.

My running has improved over last year.  I've been doing speed workouts once a week. I think they are really helping.  I'm also enjoying my long runs more.  Hopefully this is a good sign for Portland.

I'm feeling OK on my bike.  So far all my "rides" have been on the trainer.  I guess it's to be expected in Seattle, in March.  Hopefully I will get outside soon.

I'm already stressing about Spring Break.  I'm going to Phoenix with the kids. Super excited to be in the warm sun and spend the days by the pool, but with Brian working all day, I won't have much time to do any training.  I'm hoping I can get in a couple runs.

After Spring Break I'll have 7 weeks.  Plenty of time....right??

Here's how the week went-

Swim-0
Bike- 61 miles
Run- 11 miles (once I do my 7 miles this morning)

Whole30 Day 17

I seriously want to throw in the towel, and I have no idea why.  I feel amazing, I look better, my workouts are awesome, but I'm so sick of thinking about what I'm going to eat and what I can't eat.  I just want a glass of wine and to put some kind of sweetener in my coffee.  I want to go to a restaurant and not stress out about what I can or can't eat.

I feel like the strictness (is that a word) is smothering me.  I plan on eating like this from here on out (except the wine and some natural sweetener) so why do I need to wait 14 more days?!?!?

That said, I've told myself I will at least do 21 days.  Maybe by then I'll feel differently.

Whole30-First 15 days

I started the Whole30 New Years Day.  For the last few months I've been feeling gross and all around unhealthy.  I'm hoping this "reboot" is what I need.  The plan is pretty restrictive, but I'm focusing on the good.  Trying to keep my eye on the prize.  In 30 days, I should feel better.

My goals:

• Be less bloated.
• Have more energy.
• Reduce inflammation.  I have a lot aches and pains.  I'm hoping this will alleviate some of them.

How have the first 15 days been???  Pretty amazing.  The first week was tough.  I was SOOOO tired and I was stressed about what to eat.  I was so afraid I was going to screw up.  I also REALLY missed (still do) wine and coffee. You can have coffee but not the milk and sugar that makes coffee worth drinking.  I have had a couple cups mixed with coconut milk and cinnamon.  It's not bad, but not great. 

I have definitely had some ups and downs but so far, I'm really happy with the program.  At this point, I really don't see why I'd go back to eating the way I was before.  Except for wine.  Have I mentioned that I miss wine?  I do.  A lot.

As for my Whole 30 goals, I'm definitely way less bloated.  My clothes fit so much better, which is fabulous.  I'm starting  to get more energy and feel more productive.  It's hard to tell about the aches and pains.  I'm 5 days into triathlon training, so everything is kind of achy.

I'll check back in on the 31st and let you know how the rest of the month went.  It's all downhill from here!!

Happy New Year

Since I'm having a "me week" I figured I'd start thinking about 2014 goals.  I'm sure I should talk about last years goals, but I don't feel like rehashing 2013 just yet.  I think I need more time to reflect on the year.  For now, I'm ready to move on to 2014.

2014 goals

Family Goals-(If you read last years goals, these are basically the same.)

• Have at least one family adventure a month. (This was so much fun!)
• Have date night once a month.
• Help kids become more independent.
• Have family dinner every Sunday.
• Create recipe binder.
• Plan and prep meals for the week on Sunday.

Personal Goals

• Find out what foods are not helping my body and eliminate them from my diet. (unless it's wine.  Then I'll suffer.)
• Continue my strength/stretching from PT.
• Go to yoga once a week.
• Finish Boise in 6:30.  Last years finish was 7:16.
• Run and finish my first marathon with a smile.  
• Finish in the top 10 at Iron Girl Seattle. This might be tough, considering it will be in the middle of marathon training.  

What are your goals for 2014????  

False Start

Sunday I announced to the world (my friends on Facebook) that triathlon training started.  I changed my profile picture to my Boise finish.  I was ready to go.

I'm not sure what happened, but I haven't actually started training.  I mean, I got on my bike and rode for 45 min, but it felt horrible.  To be totally honest, I'm tired.  I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm a week into Whole30 (more about that later), or if it's a post holiday hangover, or what.  Whatever it is, I'm tired and not ready to start.

I'm ok with this.  I'm going to give myself a week to relax and enjoy.  It's my first week alone in what seems like forever.  I'm going to do laundry, go to Costco, take a nap, swim,bike, run, relax, and enjoy my week alone.

Next week....I will be ready!